Detours: Fun sidetrips along life's journey or a giant pain in the ass?

Two Saturdays ago, Lisa and I learned a very valuable lesson about technology.

She and I had tickets to see the touring cast of In The Heights in Chicago.  Despite the fact that we live all of 120 miles from this magical city, neither of us have a lot of experience driving to it.

So, we left Saturday afternoon, armed with Lisa's GPS, Heidi, and the directions I had printed out upon Lisa's request.

Well, it turns out Heidi wasn't feeling terribly accommodating that day.  For no reason at all, that Swiss slut would not even turn on.  So, while Lisa drove, I futzed around with Heidi.

In turn, we yelled supportive phrases and helpful suggestions to her so we might encourage her to do her job.

"Back-stabbing trailer trash!"
"Turn on, you miserable whore!"

Due to a major highway being closed and a massive detour that neither a working GPS or Mapquest directions could anticipate, we ended up in the blessed city of East Chicago, Indiana.  (It really is in Indiana.  I couldn't make this up if I tried.)

I don't know if you've ever found yourself in a small, dirty, industrial town in the middle of nowhere (that smells like a mixture of reheated country fried steak and ass), but that's what happened to us.

I was desperately trying to persuade Heidi to roust her Alpine ass and get us out of this urine-soaked hell hole.  When she finally graced us with her presence, it would be for 6 seconds and then she'd yawn and turn off.

Instead, we drove around aimlessly until we saw signs announcing the interstate.  ANY INTERSTATE.

I attempted to be helpful by announcing things like, "I swear to God we have been here before," to which Lisa would reply, "No, I think we're just on the other side of the power plant."

After successfully navigating our way to the Dan Ryan, we drove to Skokie.  Cause, you know, who doesn't want to visit mysterious and glamorous Skokie?

Alright, that was not done on purpose.  But luckily, I am a Cubs fan and know a few street names on the north side of Chicago.  Or at least I thought I did.

"Lawrence!"

"Do you know where we are?"

"No."


Five minutes later...


"Keystone!"

"Does that sound familiar?"

"Maybe..."


(To her credit, Lisa never once tried to kill me.)


Five minutes later...

"ADDISON!"

"You know that one?"

"YES!  IT'S WHERE THE CUBS PLAY!!!"

So, we followed street signs and made intuitive guesses about where we should go.  On the way, we saw something beautiful.

Sara: Look!  A Dunkin' Donuts and a Baskin Robbins in the same building!
Lisa: Let's live here.

After an amusing phone conversation with my dad and passing several Vietnamese delis, we made it to our destination with plenty of time.

The moral of this story?

Always have two or three back-ups for directions.  I don't care if it's an Atlas, a globe, a compass, the North Star or your knee that only aches when the wind comes in from the southeast.

Oh, and thank your lucky stars you don't live in East Chicago, Indiana.

Don't let my humility intimidate you.

Boo-yah!

I have now won this award THREE times.


I will never be too cool for blog awards, though. Never, never, never!

MJ, the ever hoot-worthy lady of Tetanus Tomato, is my lovely patroness for this award. I believe this was the post that first hooked me in to following her. Go forth and snort.

My favorite part about receiving this award?

I GET TO MAKE A LIST. ABOUT ME.

Ten Honest Things About Me:

1. I prefer Anthony Edwards to both George Clooney and Noah Wyle.
2. I have a whole mess of Mormon friends.
3. My mom and I both giggle when we say "Harris Teeter".
4. I think every engaged couple should have premarital counseling.
5. I prefer the term "Jersey plates" to "tramp stamp".
6. Even though I felt badly for Taylor Swift at the VMA's, I still can't stand her music.
7. I want to be the redheaded clogger in the Folger's commercial.
8. Despite my sailor-like language, I can be a bit of a prude.
9. I want my friend Lisa of The Blonde Blogette to have her own talk show and I want to be one of her guests.
10. I have to wrap this post up because I need to make dinner before SYTYCD and Glee come on.

I will pass this award to Alicia, Heather and Kelly/Vlad.

These ladies all have the ability to make me pee and entertain some thoughtful reflection at the same time, which is a quality I hold very near and dear to my heart.

Now, if you'll excuse me, my stories are on.

Gimme some sugar, Halle!

I would like to tell you a little story.

Perhaps you think I'll be spinning a tale of a hero, a thousand-year old curse, a damsel in distress, mistaken identity, revenge and maybe even true love!

It's not that kind of story, Benji.

This morning, I woke up wishing death upon every living and nonliving thing.

I'm choral directing a local production of The King and I, so I'm often at rehearsals until 10:30pm or so. This means I've got nagging tunes like "Getting To Know You" and "Shall We Dance?" running through my head while I sleep, therefore compromising the quality of my REM cycles.

Around 2am, I wake up with the incredible urge to pee. This is mostly due to the fact that a) I have a chipmunk bladder and b) I yell/sing/talk a lot during rehearsal. I'm chugging water the whole time so I can croak out helpful tidbits like, "If I have to saw off your leg, so help me, I will get you to stamp your foot before this show is over!" It made more sense in context... I think.

Let's just say all of that made for a true crapfest of a morning...

...until, I saw this:


I won a blogging award!

Lizz, from One Nerve Left graciously bestowed a Lovely Blog Award upon me, and it could not have come at a better time. So, thank you, Lizz!

The next part of this is that I get to select five recipients to whom I may pass along this blessed award.

I wanted to give it to people that a) post reguarly, b) make me laugh and c) give me something to think about. These are the blogs I came up with:

1. Carolyn of Team Boo

2. Heisschic of Technical Support

3. Lisa of The Blonde Blogette

4. Meg of The Wild and Wily Ways of a Brunette Bombshell

5. Amy of Blue Jean Amy

These are five blogs that I definitely check in with every day and I highly recommend you do the same.

For those of you who received an award today, in the way Haley Joel Osment taught us, pay it forward to another five bloggers you feel are worthy of such an honor! Also, feel free to post your award on your page.

Wear it with pride, punks. I know I do!

Is it a little judgmental in here or is it just me?

I have a brand new Monday evening activity that brings out the nasty in me...

...and I love it!

For those of you who are above reality television (shame on you!), Monday evening means the new season of The Bachelorette. Now, this is my first time watching this particular program. I've been (although willingly) sucked into it by Lisa and now, there's no going back.

Monday evenings, Lisa, the Spankes and I now meet up to eat pie, drink wine and make snap judgments and rude comments about people we've never met. It's outstanding!

Here are some comments (in no particular order) that could have been overheard last Monday:

"He has a lot of teeth."
"Guys, you're not even giving him a chance!"
"Entrepreneur? Yeah, that means he doesn't have a job."
"I think he just has gas. Wait, is he gonna puke?"
"Deal breaker!" (repeated)
"I don't like the way he's looking at her feet."
"Are they seriously giving the British guy subtitles?"
"You can't give a First Impression rose based on a second impression!"
"I think he just got his hair cut today."
"Ew, his jacket is made of crushed velvet."
"He shook her hand. I love handshakes!"
"Tool!" (repeated)

Jeff really hated it... ish.

Kate made popcorn. You know... from kernels!

We were trying to help Jillian (the Bachelorette) with our mind grapes.

P.S. So You Think You Can Dance starts tomorrow! Where is that hot tamale train, anyway?

It tastes like burning!

Recently, I've become involved in a very unhealthy relationship.

It's called Dorm Life.

I was introduced to it not so long ago by fellow blogger and pop culture maven, Lisa.

Personal hygiene became secondary as I got to know the characters (Mike, Court and Gopherr are my favorites), viewed their webcams and watched each individual webisode from beginning to end.

I have never felt so fulfilled in my life.

If you have ever lived in a dorm, if you enjoy a good mockumentary or if you have a job where you do nothing but sit in front of a computer all day long, I implore you to watch a few episodes of Dorm Life.

And don't forget to floss.

Oh, Mr. Bones, that's terrible.

Yesterday, my mom and I went to a musical, sort of.

Okay, I need to preface this story with some background information.

My whole family is musically inclined in one way or another. We all sing, my dad plays organ and piano and my brother pretty much plays everything. We all like going to live shows and performances, although my dad tends to favor Gilbert and Sullivan while my brother prefers bands of which I've never heard.

So, when my mom told me she got tickets for the touring show of Ain't Misbehavin', I was pretty excited. I'd never seen it before and it featured Ruben Studdard, Frenchie Davis and Trenyce Cobbins from American Idol. What's not to like?

Anyway, my mom and I showed up to the theater last night, both ready to enjoy an evening of song, dance and general frivolity.

We both got settled in our seats, turned off our phones and opened our programs. I flipped to the listing of songs in each act.

My jaw dropped.

There were fifteen songs in the first Act. The conversation that followed between my mom and I probably sounded fairly normal to those sitting nearby, but for us, it had a completely different meaning:


What we said...

Sara: I didn't realize this show had so many songs.
Mom: Yeah, both acts look pretty long.
Sara: Isn't 30 Rock on at 9:30?
Mom: Oh, right. We're probably going to miss it.
Sara: Yeah, probably. Hey, I think we can move closer at intermission.
Mom: I'll bet you're right.

What we meant...

Sara: Oh, dear God. Did you realize how long this thing is?
Mom: I can't sit through this whole thing.
Sara: I am not missing 30 Rock.
Mom: Pfft, me neither!
Sara: Let's leave at half-time.
Mom: Two steps ahead of you.


What's funny is that it wasn't a bad show (well, what we saw of it). All the performers were quite good and easy to listen to. It wasn't that long, either. The first act was probably 45 minutes. It made no difference. Our attention spans were already shot.

Several times during the first act, one of us would lean over to the other and make a deep, philosophical observation about the show.

Mom: I was thinking about France for most of that song.
Sara: That's so weird because I was thinking about this French song I'm working on for my voice lessons!

...and then later...

Mom: Wanna get breakfast at Panera tomorrow?
Sara: Do I?!

...and then at half-time...

Sara: Maybe we should "walk around the lobby".
Mom: Good idea.

I would love to say that this is the first time something like this has ever happened (or that it will never happen again), but I'd be reserving my seat in Hades, right next to Pinocchio and Richard Nixon.

On a completely separate note, my good friend and fellow blogger, Lisa, has a brand new blog! It's called The Blonde Blogette and it's all about movies, music, pop culture and just about any other form of entertainment you can think of. She Facebooks, she Twitters, she blogs... she does it all!

On another, but final, completely separate note, it's disgustingly gorgeous outside. It's all I can do not to run outside and perform an interpretive ribbon dance to Miley Cyrus's "It's the Climb".

Oh, come on. You just wish you'd thought of it first.

Ding dong! Normal guy in the house!

Quick update:

1) Children of Eden closed yesterday after three weeks
2) I was accepted to Appalachian State
3) I got a speeding ticket on Saturday ($120)
4) Someone who saw the show told me I look like Katy Perry (I'll take it)

Also, these are some of my new favorite people:



That is Lisa, Jeff and Kate whom I met through Children of Eden and this is what we do together. I figured they were worth formally introducing because they'll undoubtedly pop up in future posts from time to time.

And yes, that's a Hawaiian burger on my plate.