Two Saturdays ago, Lisa and I learned a very valuable lesson about technology.
She and I had tickets to see the touring cast of In The Heights in Chicago. Despite the fact that we live all of 120 miles from this magical city, neither of us have a lot of experience driving to it.
So, we left Saturday afternoon, armed with Lisa's GPS, Heidi, and the directions I had printed out upon Lisa's request.
Well, it turns out Heidi wasn't feeling terribly accommodating that day. For no reason at all, that Swiss slut would not even turn on. So, while Lisa drove, I futzed around with Heidi.
In turn, we yelled supportive phrases and helpful suggestions to her so we might encourage her to do her job.
"Back-stabbing trailer trash!"
"Turn on, you miserable whore!"
Due to a major highway being closed and a massive detour that neither a working GPS or Mapquest directions could anticipate, we ended up in the blessed city of East Chicago, Indiana. (It really is in Indiana. I couldn't make this up if I tried.)
I don't know if you've ever found yourself in a small, dirty, industrial town in the middle of nowhere (that smells like a mixture of reheated country fried steak and ass), but that's what happened to us.
I was desperately trying to persuade Heidi to roust her Alpine ass and get us out of this urine-soaked hell hole. When she finally graced us with her presence, it would be for 6 seconds and then she'd yawn and turn off.
Instead, we drove around aimlessly until we saw signs announcing the interstate. ANY INTERSTATE.
I attempted to be helpful by announcing things like, "I swear to God we have been here before," to which Lisa would reply, "No, I think we're just on the other side of the power plant."
After successfully navigating our way to the Dan Ryan, we drove to Skokie. Cause, you know, who doesn't want to visit mysterious and glamorous Skokie?
Alright, that was not done on purpose. But luckily, I am a Cubs fan and know a few street names on the north side of Chicago. Or at least I thought I did.
"Lawrence!"
"Do you know where we are?"
"No."
Five minutes later...
"Keystone!"
"Does that sound familiar?"
"Maybe..."
(To her credit, Lisa never once tried to kill me.)
Five minutes later...
"ADDISON!"
"You know that one?"
"YES! IT'S WHERE THE CUBS PLAY!!!"
So, we followed street signs and made intuitive guesses about where we should go. On the way, we saw something beautiful.
Sara: Look! A Dunkin' Donuts and a Baskin Robbins in the same building!
Lisa: Let's live here.
After an amusing phone conversation with my dad and passing several Vietnamese delis, we made it to our destination with plenty of time.
The moral of this story?
Always have two or three back-ups for directions. I don't care if it's an Atlas, a globe, a compass, the North Star or your knee that only aches when the wind comes in from the southeast.
Oh, and thank your lucky stars you don't live in East Chicago, Indiana.
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38 comments:
very well. I am glad glad that I don't live in East Chicago, IL.
LOL! Sounds like a fun adventure!
oh but part of the fun is getting lost :)
and i actually don't like LA either. its dirty and smoggy and the public transportation sucks. but i loved the things we did when i was there!
I got lost in Gary, Indiana once. It smelled a lot like East Chicago, Indiana.
So.... maybe I've been stalking your blog for quite some time. I've finally decided to come out and publicly follow. :) I found you through ArizonaLewis. :)
ALSO, I LOVE your posts! Especially this one. I have been on one too many crazy road trips. When I was in Bumblebee, AZ, our british GPS said "Beaver, left" SERIOUSLY? Because I am pretty sure there is little/no wildlife in Bumblebee, especially not beavers!
In other words, I feel a small part of your pain. But you definitely win, because Bumblebee smelled like cactus, and fresh air, thankfully.
I have so. been. there. Really, at the time it is frustrating as heck, but makes for a good story afterwards. Now I have several map books in my car.
I love your description of East Chicago "reheated country fried steak and ass" -- I've never had the pleasure of experiencing that smell, nor do I want to.
I just use the maps function on my Blackberry...
You saw your very first Dunkin Robbins!? Aren't they just glorious?? I wish they would set up a cot for me in back too.
And yes as a matter of fact I have found myself in a small, dirty industrial town in the middle of nowhere. I think what you just provided was a very accurate description. I keep an atlas in my trunk for just such an occasion.
Maybe you recognized Keystone because of the one in Indy?
I lurrrrrrve it.
And people, "back-stabbing trailer trash" was just the tip of the iceberg when it came to insulting Heidi.
We also called her a C-word. That's right, a Cranky Sue!
Dude it's time to install the gps application to your iphone!! If you don't have one,, get one before your next trip! 3 G man it will save you!
That is my worst nightmare! And in the snow no less!!
You are an adventurous one aren't you?!!
Dude it's time to install the gps application to your iphone!! If you don't have one,, get one before your next trip! 3 G man it will save you!
That is my worst nightmare! And in the snow no less!!
You are an adventurous one aren't you?!!
It sounds like the drive was more fun than the destination :).
My BFF and I once drove to Ft Lauderdale - Georgia was a real treat. I vowed to never road trip again!
I'm so paranoid about getting lost. Even though I have a gps, I STILL print out mapquest directions, just in case.
It's the weirdest thing, but I still have ACTUAL MAPS in my car. And I use them. I know... imagine that! People probably think I'm crazy when they see me wrestling a huge paper map when they drive by, but you know what? It never decides not to work. It never yawns and turns off. It's definitely not as fickle as Heidi.
Heidi's breakdown did make for some good blog fodder though, huh??
I'm a freak about directions. We have a gps named Suzie, gps on our iphones, maps in the car and I always at least look at the route on mapquest once just so I can visualize it. But, hubs will still get us lost and question my directional skills.
Bahahah! This is hilarious. Seriously, my aunt and uncle have a GPS they call Mags. And once they called to tell us something and they were in the car and we were like, "Who's that crazy bitch??" It was Mags.
chicago is very confusing anyhow with its 1 way streets and what not
and i have been in a one horse town in west va, taking my son to a bathroom in a BAR -he was 2- b/c he had just gotten car sick and puked in the car and all over himself
that was urine soaked hell too
I'm glad you made it eventually! :)
Gee, you certainly have a way with words to make me want to visit the obscure cities of the Midwest.
Oh...I HATE driving in Chicago! I always take the train:-)
Hahaha! I love that the GPS has a name.
thank you for posting on my blog, you are too funny :) and yes, i loathe, detest, spit on gps. but love that it's name is heidi!
You two share such loving travel conversations. It's a beautiful thing to see. :)
Dunkin Donuts & Baskin Robbins = nirvana.
Oh dear. I thought I was doing my friend a favor by flying out of Detroit airport instead of Chicago once - it was the longest 3 hours of my life! I almost threw up twice, and coincidentally enough - her Heidi died as well. I don't think Illinois likes GPS...or Michigan for that matter...
My best, Lynn
* I want to see that musical sooooooo badly it's no joke. Could you do a whole post on how wonderful it was? With pictures and jazz hands!
You're right. East Chicago Indiana does smell like that.
Your conversations with the swiss slut sound exactly like the one I had with my computer about 15 seconds ago. At full volume. With two roommates and one roommate's visiting girlfriend in the next room.
Technology sometimes just needs to be told what a dirty whore it is.
and to think....i i was planning on becoming a hoosier :-)
ours is called Ken, and he gets his fair share of shouting at when he takes us in a silly direction or gives a confusing instruction! But normally he's fine.
Until the one day I lent him to my father-in-law to take them and my daughters to a pantomime.
I set him to take them to the carpark, and he did that perfectly well - but my FIL decided he didn't actually mean turn left there, but further down - so drove past the parking lot entrance.
From then on Ken tried to get them back to the right place, but my FIL got so annoyed with him because he kept talking and tell them to turn this way or that - that he turned him off, ended up 3 suburbs away, and asking directions from a fish and chips shop.
They were late for the performance.
But I had ALSO provided them with an A-Z with the destination marked and the page open.
So go figure! Some people just can't take directions!
um can we discuss how much I love your supportive suggestions? a lot.
be my friend.
Sara, this is why I love you and your blog.
Nothing else but adoration.
Yikes!!
And I want to live at a place where there is Dunkin Donuts and Baskin Robbins too. OMG yum. I'd go back and forth all day.
Isn't it totally frustrating when directions make NO SENSE whatsoever?? I am pretty paranoid about getting lost, which is why I try and let others deal with it. Glad you got there in time!
PS. Thanks for your comment! I really tried to learn about the Church for the right reasons, and so I hope I won't look back on it and see that I didn't! But I don't think I will ; ) Thanks again for your support, it means a lot!
You totally crack me up....reheated country fried steak and ass...OMG, that had me peeing in my pants.
I need a traveling buddy like yours...oh and I'll happily rent if you all move into the building with Baskin-Robbins and Dunkin Donuts!
Well, I don't know who/what Heidi is but I didn't think it was that hard to turn on a Swedish slut. I guess I was wrong. I feel your pain on the detours though because we just returned from Chicago around New Year's and my archnemesis is Gary, Indiana. EVERY freakin time we go to or leave Chicago, we get hopelessly lost in Gary Freakin Indiana. They don't know how to plow their roads or post appropriate and accurate Detour signs. I'm glad you made it, though. Industrial towns that reek of nuclear waste and ass are part of the Bermuda Triangle.
d00d!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you ever read my post about getting "lost" in Gary and ending up and an overpass that was INCOMPLETE????
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