Please don't drag my friend, TV, into this!

Tuesday was a black day.

Many of you know Tuesdays as being the one day a week where almost anything you want is validated. 

This is not that kind of story.

On Tuesday, something happened that was, in fact, not okay.

Because of our location, my roommates and I have never been able to get a landline through our local cable company.

Well, Tuesday was supposed to be our lucky, freakin' day.

A helpful cable company employee informed my roommate that we were now eligible for a landline and could get the internet, TV and a landline for a low monthly fee.

What this hateful shrew failed to mention is that our television privileges would be downgraded to basic cable.

BASIC.  CABLE.

Now, some of you may be rolling your eyes and saying, "Big deal.  Get a hobby."

Grad school is my hobby.  TV is my life, you pretentious ass magnet.

So, what does this mean?

This means that I no longer get lulled to sleep while watching CSI:NY reruns.  I don't even remember how I could drift off without a Brooklyn accent yelling things like, "We'll ask the questions, if you don't mind!" or "Run that secondary transfer through the database!"

Fortunately, the magical cable gods have allowed me to keep E! as part of my television package.  This means I still have Chelsea Lately, Joan Rivers when there's any sort of red carpet event and all things Kardashian.

As you can imagine, E! has been on ever since tragedy first struck.

The unlikely friend I found through all this has been Kendra. 

I never watched Kendra because I thought she was a large-breasted bonehead who didn't realize when people were making fun of her.

Now, I'm not saying she's a rocket scientist, but I think she comes off far more intelligent than several other televised morons who somehow manage to fly under the radar, e.g. Jenna Bush Hager.  So, I've warmed up to her dippy sincerity and wacky centerfold insecurities.

My sitting around time will take the biggest hit in all of this.  I mean, I still plan to sit down for hours at a time and stare at the big black box that once used to sing songs to my heart.  It'll just be a little less fulfilling.

In the meantime, please don't ask me about Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders: Making the Team on CMT.

It's too soon.

It's impossible to get rid of crabs

I may or may not have a midterm paper due tomorrow at 9am.

(For my nocturnal friends, yes, 9:00 in the morning is just as disgusting as you've heard.)

It's entirely possible that I have nothing more written than a title page.

(Title pages are for nerds and squares.)

It might be true that I am using this blog post as a means of distracting myself from starting/completing the aforementioned paper.

(Calm down.  It's only 20% of my grade.)

What is also likely is that I am planning on taking a much needed break at 11pm to watch Chelsea Lately.

(You guys, I'm not a machine.)

One might be under the impression that I am hesitant to commit to anything one way or the other.

(Speaking of waffling, I could really go for some flapjacks.  Too early for flapjacks?) 

It would not be out of the question to assume I've gone a little nutburgers and as I'm considering grabbing all the blankets and pillows in the house and making a fort in front of the TV.

(Is there a relation between chemical imbalances and the innate need to burrow?)

Maybe I feel ready to write my paper.

(My brother and I are currently discussing the pros and cons of red peppers.)

I just wrote a sentence fragment.  Perhaps this is the start of something!

(I'm for 'em!)

Spell Check and I are potentially going to get into a fight because she has decided "predesignated" is not a word.

(She's a stupid bitch.)

10:50pm already?  Probably time for a study break.

(I'm tired.  I should probably be in bed by midnight if I want to be worth anything tomorrow.)

Because I sense the distress you're feeling for me as you read this, I want to leave you with something uplifting, courtesy of the ever watchful pop culture eyeballs of the Blonde Blogette.

Hey, It's Okay Tuesdays

It's Tuesday, so now I shall discuss the things with the people at the place that happened that one time.  And stuff.

If you need clarification, talk to Amber.  She knows what I'm talking about.

Hey, it's okay...


...if you get really tired of everyone wanting to have a super fun carry-in style cookout, because you get really tired of explaining to people that you don't super fun cook.

...if your birthday wish for your brother was actually you telling him about a restaurant you want to patronize whenever you visit.

...if your birthday wish for your mother was largely unintelligible but had something to do with ponies and streudel.

...if you kind of love Meghan McCain after seeing her on Chelsea Lately.

...to watchWeeds when you have a bad day because no matter what's going on, you're not a single suburban mother of two, so S.O.L. that you had to resort to selling pot to all the men in your gated community to maintain your standard of living.

...if you spent 3 hours yesterday trying to figure out why the DVD player on your laptop wouldn't work because you've got the 3rd season of The Tudors  from Netflix and damn it, you want to watch it!

...if you're really excited to go to bed because the sooner you wake up, the sooner you get to eat again.

...if you miss the highly crabby, yet highly efficient financial aid department at IU.

...if you are the only person in the entire world who can't wear Toms due to some oddly shaped, yet still attractive, feet.

...if, after less than 24 hours without carbs, you are having some very inappropriate thoughts about your dear friend, Toast.