Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Lutefisk can suck it.

Dear Finland,

You and I are in a fight.

I just spent the last 3 days saying goodbye to Lisa, my dearest friend and redhead.




Why, at this very moment, she is embarking upon her first day at the MTC in Provo.

And while I'm so happy for her and have every confidence in her ability to be a bitchin' Sister Mish, you are not off the hook.

I've got beef with you, and since I'm in a graduate program that's teaching me to be a good communicator, what's say you and I have this out right now?

First of all, Lisa comes from Georgia. You see the obvious problem, right? Yeah, you're frickin' cold. Lisa doesn't like being cold, so let's knock that off.

Second, why are your flights so expensive? I don't have a lot of money, and I would like to be able to take an impromptu trip to Helsinki should I feel so inclined.

And another thing- what is your fixation with fish? Personally, I'm okay with it. Lisa, however, gags on it. Don't you guys have grilled cheese?

Finally, I think your language is made up. Even though Lisa seems to have a decent hold on you already, it sounds like straight up mish-mash to me. Do you have something personal against the use of vowels? I mean, consonants are great, but everything in moderation.

So, what have we learned?

1) Be warmer.
2) Be cheaper.
3) Make use of your local livestock.
4) Add vowels.

As long as you abide by these simple rules, I think we may just be able to make this work... you filthy reindeer lickers.

8 comments:

Organic Meatbag said...

Ah-haaaa! I knew it...they DO lick reindeers!

Deb said...

Lisa is very lucky to have you as a friend. Not many people would tell a whole country to suck it. Although I'm 1/4 Finnish, well done.

MJ said...

I told you I wouldn't check in with you whilst I'm on vacation. That was a lie. I may not check in too much, but I just had to sneak a peek. My husband is telling me we have to go and get our vacation on, but I'm insisting I finish writing this comment about your hilarious post. You funny, girl. You're busting my side til I feel appendicitis coming on. I never knew I also didn't like Finland until today. A language without a good sprinkling of vowels is just not cool, is it? Thanks for the laugh, Sara.

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

filthy reindeer lickers indeed

and thank you for putting up a new post

i have missed your pearls of delightfulness

Hyla said...

hahahahaha

Anonymous said...

you really, technically did just tell a WHOLE country to suck it....

i like your style.

S3XinthePantry said...

You told them!
(Remind me never to get on your bad side!)

Carrie said...

AMEN sister sara!