It would appear that I'm getting old.
Mind you, I've always fancied a cup of tea, I enjoy knitting and I'm often in my pajamas before 10pm, but that's my choice.
I've had knee problems for a while. Given that I wasn't a highly active or athletic adolescent, I never attributed my knee pain to any one thing.
My mom has always said she thinks it's largely due to the fact that I was "jumping up and down in hooker boots for two years."
I was in show choir. Just go with it.
Either way, my knees are creaky and crotchety like a chain-smoking old biddy who gets cold in 87 degree weather. I accepted it and I got used to it.
This past Tuesday, I was sitting on the couch, eating my lunch, watching my stories (CSI Las Vegas) and thinking, "Damn, sure is humid," when I noticed an ache. In my left hip.
While this is uncommon, it wasn't completely out of left field. I shifted my position and went back to my lunch.
The ache didn't go away. In fact, it intensified. Pretty soon, my entire left leg was aching and depending on my position, sharp pains were shooting into my hip. Swell.
I went about my business for the rest of the afternoon. Depending on what I was doing, I had to get up every 15 minutes to stretch and relieve the pressure in my hip while listening to thunder rumble outside.
Later, I went to a friend's house for pizza and a movie. Sometime during the movie, the heavens opened up and it poured for a good half hour.
When the movie ended, I started to stand up and expected that same pain to be there. But it wasn't.
Oh dear God.
It all clicked.
Humidity = joint pain.
Torrential downpour = relief.
So, it seems I'm only a step or two away from buying a house in the Styx, adopting an overweight basset hound named Sanchez and sitting on my front porch in a rocking chair while mumbling things like, "Looks like a storms a-brewin'. My hip here tells me we'll get 3-4 inches before sunset. Good thing, too. Tobacco crop could use a good soakin'..."
If that's the case, I'm putting my hooker boots back on.
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37 comments:
Look on the bright side sweets...You can PREDICT the weather!!! Maybe your hip can call out the winning lotto numbers for this weekend!
I'm a new reader -- to your blog, not words in general -- and I've got to say that I was already rather enjoying it from an entertainment perpsective... but if you're going to be updating weather forecasts for us, too, then I'm hooked for life!
Yeah, so you've got that going for you.
Lord knows Storm Team Radar ain't cuttin' it. From now on, I'm callin' you!
Oh, honey. You're younger than me. Time to get those hooker boots back on and find your mojo again.
You should move to LA. There is like no humidity, no thunder storms, and it rains like 3 times a year. You'd be golden.
Plus plenty of opportunities to wear hooker boots.
I never have gone above the knee with my boots - therefore I fancy myself more of a slut than a hooker.
Hooker boots? LMAO
I'll stick with my creaking hip.
So long as you don't start yelling at kids to get off your lawn...that's never a good sign. Not even if you do it wearing hooker boots!
Well, once you start going to bed by 8:30pm, eating dinner at 4pm and complaining about kids these days... then you should worry.
a hip that can predict the weather (or maybe a sciatic nerve pain)... that's pretty cool!
I can imagine you perfectly on your porch with your dog! We're always in bed embarrassingly early, and my ankles creak something awful.
I can totally relate, Sara.
Mmm, I have the same thing going with my hands.
I wish it was rheumatism. Because then I could tell people about my rheumatism -- no one cares about arthritis.
I vote for the boots! Trust me your body is gonna break down anyway. Why was the years you can still move!
Girl, I feel 'ya. I'm pretty sure all the running I do now is going to send me into an early joint replacement (like it did for my dad). And my joints also help me predict the weather.
Gah, we're old.
My knees have been snapping, crackling and popping for years, and I'm only 34. And I never played sports. I danced though... (BALLET!!)
Your slutty knees want their boots back ;)
Wow. You are old! You're still one of my favorite bloggers. :]
Well this is ridic. It was your sciatic nerve. Has to be. I have the same problem sometimes.
Just wait until you pop some kids out. Your hip joints are doomed.
At least your weather forcasting abilities are better than the chick in Mean Girls.
You need to have a reality show about this. Then you can forecast the weather and you'll be famous.
i feel ya. i had a car accident a while back and my hip got all jacked up. i often use the joke "my hips goes out more than i do...". but it's not really a joke.
Youd be screwed here in AZ!!
My PJs are usually on by 7 so it's okay.
hooker boots? mmm yum...
I found your blog through Adventures of a Yankee Girl. I LOVE IT! I too have a bodyrometer that tells me the effing weather. Woot for getting old!
And before you know it you'll be having a purple hair rinse so beloved of elderly ladies here in the UK (what about where you are?) and zip up slippers with pom-poms on the front.
The whole time I was reading all I could think was "Storms a brewin. My hips hurt." And then there you go at the end saying almost the same thing, only funnier and with more detail.
I loved your analogy about being like an 87 year old chain smoker.
When I have pelvis pain, and of course now I do when it gets really humid, I tell people I feel like an 80 year old woman on oxygen. Sometimes I even refer to my home appliances that keep breaking in the same way.
Please do wear your hooker boots. They will really enhance the front-porch look. Make sure your shotgun is loaded, as well. :)
GIRL. I can TOTALLY tell the weather with my knees! It's been happening for years. And then there was that unfortunate incident with the whole dancing-as-I-turn-30 thing where I couldn't walk for a week.
It's hell to get old, but at least we're all doing it with you.
Word.
But if you put the slutty boots back on, you'll fall and break a hip and that usually never ends well, old deary. - G
I see no reason not to do both. Hooker boots on the front porch with a hound dog by your side. Rock it.
I say you should put on your sensible nurse shoes, and have someone take you to the market for some prune juice. Bring your coupon.
I never in a million years would have thought my joint (knee) pain came from my hooker shoes I wore out clubbing... hmmm now that you mention it between that and dance classes I probably killed my knees.
I have the same issue with the rain but not in my joints my sinuses are a mess and before a huge storm I always get the worst headaches ever.
Wanna be roommates @ the old folks home? We can do the daily weather watch for the rest of the old biddies!
It has rained every damn day in Indiana for the last 2 weeks. Nice and hot summer during the day, torrential stormy downpours at night. My backyard is so swampy, Loiusiana is jealous.
Anyway. At first I thought it was because God hates me and those Westboro Baptist people were right. Turns out....Indiana is calling you back home, honey.
Oh my lord, you have rheumatism!!! That's about as close as real-life humans can GET to super powers!
I forgive you for describing me without permission. Creative license goes a long way. Tabacco crop? Are you sure that's what you're growin there Grannie?
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