I've seen my future... and it's slutty

It would appear that I'm getting old.

Mind you, I've always fancied a cup of tea, I enjoy knitting and I'm often in my pajamas before 10pm, but that's my choice. 

I've had knee problems for a while.  Given that I wasn't a highly active or athletic adolescent, I never attributed my knee pain to any one thing.

My mom has always said she thinks it's largely due to the fact that I was "jumping up and down in hooker boots for two years."

I was in show choir.  Just go with it.

Either way, my knees are creaky and crotchety like a chain-smoking old biddy who gets cold in 87 degree weather.  I accepted it and I got used to it.

This past Tuesday, I was sitting on the couch, eating my lunch, watching my stories (CSI Las Vegas) and thinking, "Damn, sure is humid," when I noticed an ache.  In my left hip.

While this is uncommon, it wasn't completely out of left field.  I shifted my position and went back to my lunch.

The ache didn't go away.  In fact, it intensified.  Pretty soon, my entire left leg was aching and depending on my position, sharp pains were shooting into my hip.  Swell.

I went about my business for the rest of the afternoon.  Depending on what I was doing, I had to get up every 15 minutes to stretch and relieve the pressure in my hip while listening to thunder rumble outside.

Later, I went to a friend's house for pizza and a movie.  Sometime during the movie, the heavens opened up and it poured for a good half hour.

When the movie ended, I started to stand up and expected that same pain to be there.  But it wasn't.

Oh dear God.

It all clicked.
 

Humidity = joint pain.

Torrential downpour = relief.


So, it seems I'm only a step or two away from buying a house in the Styx, adopting an overweight basset hound named Sanchez and sitting on my front porch in a rocking chair while mumbling things like, "Looks like a storms a-brewin'.  My hip here tells me we'll get 3-4 inches before sunset.  Good thing, too.  Tobacco crop could use a good soakin'..."


If that's the case, I'm putting my hooker boots back on.