Haters to the left

Dear Lexington, Kentucky,

I hate you.

I'm pretty sure I made that clear last Sunday when I spent an hour within your toxic city limits and cursed you within an inch of your existence.

Now, it's no secret that the state laying claim to you is not one of my favorites.  In fact, I blame Kentucky for many of the things I find to be wrong with this world (fat-free cheese, stryrofoam, Tom Cruise, etc.).

It all started when I first learned you were known as the Bluegrass state.  Having lived in a few different countries and never actually having seen blue grass, I was intrigued.

I remember when our family took a road trip that involved passing through your borders.  At one point, we had to stop and fill  up the ol' family truckster. 

I got out of the car, saw a small patch of grass and ran to it.  Oh, to see the magic and mystery of grass that is actually-

Now, wait a damn minute.

That's right.  Your grass is green, you big phony!

It was all downhill from there.

But Lexington, you earned a special place on my Shit List, right next to Kathy Griffin and the Dutch.

Last Sunday, as I made my way from Indiana back to North Carolina, I noticed my gas gauge getting low.  It wasn't extreme, but I thought it sensible to stop, fill up the tank and then fill up my own tank at the same time.

I turned on to Man O War Blvd (couldn't make that up if I tried) and started in the general direction of the BP station.  Unfortunately, I came to an immediate halt as there was heavy construction on this main drag of yours that narrowed two lanes down to one.

It took me HALF AN HOUR to drive 3 miles.

Afterward, as I attempted to get to your Chipotle, I was instead forced to take a series of roads that led me nowhere near a delicious, overstuffed burrito.  As a matter of fact, I ended up in a Harley shop's parking lot where a cranky gentleman on a cell phone honked at me.  And not in the nice way.

In the end, I got so angry that I ended up at McDonald's, where I inhaled my nuggets whilst talking to my dad on the phone and using phrases like "Godforsaken city" and "hateful state."

I'm pretty sure the woman in the booth behind me did not want to be my Facebook friend.

If not for some of the super cool bloggers I've met who hail from Kentucky (and whom I pray have not stopped following me because of this tirade that YOU caused), I would completely write off your entire state.

In the end, Lexington, I just wanted to tell you that from now on, I will be stopping in Berea or Corbin to wet my whistle and pee like there's no tomorrow.

And you, my friend, may suck it.

Kindly blow it out your ass,

Sara Spelled Without an H