Oy, with the poodles already!

This is for Kelly from SFTC, because she is awesome and I pretty much do whatever she tells me.
 

About fifteen years ago, I was the awkward, pre-pubescent age of ten.

At this point in time, I was very involved with my church youth group.  Several of my friends from school were in it, and a lot of the older boys that came were super cute.  I mean, why else does one attend youth group, right?

In my youth group, however, was a boy I did not really appreciate.

We'll call him Kirk.

For whatever reason, Kirk had a crush on me.  He used to make this very apparent by raising his eyebrows at me in a suggestive manner and licking his lips a lot.

Sadly, even fifteen years later, I find not much has changed with how men flirt.

It just so happened that this year, our youth group met on Valentine's Day.  The leaders at the time felt it was all too appropriate to make Valentines for each other.

Somewhere in there, our leaders had to leave the room to go downstairs, thinking that eight 10-year olds couldn't get into too many shenanigans.

The suggestive eyebrow raising commenced, followed by the lip licking and then some other creative, yet unattractive obscene gestures.

Being girls, my friends quickly tried to protect me because Kirk wanted to kiss me. 

I was not having it.

What happened next was somewhat of a blur, but I remember darting from room to room with my friends, followed by Kirk and his friends.

He got close a couple times, but I managed to evade him and eventually ran downstairs to our gym because I knew it would be full of grown-ups!  WOO!

Luckily, the other youth groups with all the older kids were already there playing kickball or some other version of organized sports, so I thought I was safe.

I was talking with my friends about how gross it would've been had Kirk actually managed to kiss me when all of a sudden-

WHACK!

Something hit me square in the back of the head and hurt like a mother.

I quickly turned around and saw Kirk holding a book.

The little sexually frustrated shit knocked me in the head with the freaking Bible.

It's one of the few times I wished I was Jewish, because getting hit in the head with just the Old Testament might not have hurt quite as much.

Unfortunately, not one authority figure witnessed it (seriously, where were the adults in this entire story?) so he got away with it.

I think I told my mom when she arrived to pick me up... and I think she laughed.