I noticed this the first week I moved here last August.
Would you like a list? I would LOVE to give you one.
I believe this is the only guidance the people of Boone receive when they get their driver's licenses:
- Green means "go", yellow means "go" and red means "go ahead, but only if traffic is backed up. So, you'll need to stop in the middle of the intersection and block oncoming cars from the other direction."
- When the speed limit is posted as 35 mph, go 30 mph to be really sure you allow the person behind you appreciate the countryside.
- If driving on a two-lane road, try not to truly commit to either lane. Should you feel the need to go especially slow, definitely keep to the left so the person behind you can't pass.
- Turn signals are confusing! When coming to a 4-way stop, apply the following rules:
- Do not come to a full stop, unless you see someone you know on the sidewalk.
- Refrain from using turn signals, especially if actually turning.
- If at all possible, change your mind in the middle of the intersection and try to take out any pedestrians who have been thrown off by your actions.
- Whenever pulling out on to a busy road, make sure to do it right in front of another car that is moving quickly, and then be sure to slow down to the previously mentioned 5 under the limit.
- Exit Only signs are funny, aren't they? Completely disregard!
- If all else fails, quickly get out your phone and start texting IMMEDIATELY. Don't worry. The people behind you will wait.
- Should it begin raining, snowing, sleeting or snizzling, fight the urge to turn on your lights. This kind of overuse will only burn out your bulbs sooner. Besides, you can see, right?
- At some point, your rearview mirrors will get knocked off. Don't bother fixing or replacing them as it's really only important to know what's going on in front of you.
- Should you err in your driving, avoid eye contact with the other drivers and feign ignorance. This shouldn't be too difficult.
What is so surprising to me, however, is that this is such a courteous and polite town. Everyone holds doors, almost any female starting from age 2 is referred to as "ma'am, and many would return your lost wallet with an extra $20 in it because they "figured you probably had a hard day and would need it."
So, why does everyone drive like they're the only car on the road?
I don't have an answer.
I do know, however, that the next time a little old lady tries to bake me some cookies, I'm going to throw them back in her face and say, "I'd rather you take the bus!"
25 comments:
oh good grief. I have this terribly blinding headache right now and this just made it worse.
I flip out when someone pulls out in front of me and then can't even go the speed limit. THE WORST.
I agree drivers here are awful. I love your rant. I think they drive as if they are the only car on the road because they know they will probably never run into that person they piss off. Also a lot of them are those damn college kids.
the same kind of drivers live where i live too! driving is something that a lot of people do poorly and it seriously annoys the hell out of me.
This made me literally laugh out loud. People where I live are the SAME WAY. It's infuriating!
Aha, welcome to the south. It doesn't get any better past the Mason Dixon line!
Well alrighty then!
I will take the cookies - thanks!
And... yellow actually means "speed up." :-)
I always said that the drivers in NC acted like they were in a NASCAR race. You can only turn left, no headlights, no blinkers, and no mirrors. It's like they were relying on spotters, except the radio connection was lost so they were just blindly trying to navigate the course and guess where other cars might be.
And bump drafting....don't EVEN get me started on that one.
Yep....NC was the birthplace of NASCAR (I don't know if that's actually true....but for my purposes let's just suppose that it is) and they cling proudly to the trackesque etiquette.
That's why I moved back to Florida...land of the snowbirds and tourists. Wait...crap. Not such a great plan. Oh well.
Lols, this post was great, just by the way.
~Kendra
I feel your pain. It's like this where I'm from, and I've lived in places like Hawaii, where I found out ALL the stereotypes about bad asian drivers, were true.
They do that pulling into the intersection when traffic isn't moving here too. They calling it "Blocking the Box" which just seems so awfully dirty.
I'm totally laughing here. But it's not funny! For reals.
Jerks.
I swear, some people just buy their license at WalMart.
Pee Esss,
I wanna see you throw cookies in an old lady's face. PLEASE???
This is awesome. I hate stupid drivers. Remind me to never visit Boone.
Some drivers SCARE me.
A lot of people around here refuse to use their turn signals. This really bothers me.
I would probably pay money to see you throw cookies in an old lady's face.
You know, some people say sarcasm covers insecurity, or stupidity. Well color me a playboy bunny cause I heart this post.
hahahaha. this made me LOL. LITERALLY. Loves it.!!!
Can't forget my favorite southern driving habit: on ramps are made for stopping. Not for... ramping up.
Have to say, though, I was guilty of the review mirror thing. Meant I couldn't see people flipping me off when I decided to stop and text in the middle of the road.
Hey! We have some of those people here too!! At least I know now that if I ever end up in your town, I'll feel right at home on the road.
Do you also have people that use their turn signal in parking garages? Like...when there is only one option of which way to turn while driving up or down? They are my faves.
Sometimes I think that people just should not be allowed to have cars.
Today I saw four cars run a red light.
The same red light. In a row. One right after the other. And now quickly either. All four sauntered on through like they were strolling along on a beautiful summer day.
I may never have the courage to get in my car again.
Yeah! But then there are the grannies who go 15 mph in a 55 zone... Sighs. Cute blog!
Xoxo.
I guess they make up for it in their manners right? Ha.
"Do not come to a full stop, unless you see someone you know on the sidewalk." <-- I about lost it. That is SO my hometown. I'm constantly finding myself stuck behind some guy in a pickup truck for sure leaning out the window talking to someone he knows on the side of the street, or a car doing the same thing in the oncoming lane... without any regard for the fact that they are on a road. So irritating!
We have some crazy intersections here in Indy...
My favorite are the ones where 3 of the 4 sides have stop signs and the 4th one says "Yield to oncoming traffic." Uhhh... but they're stopped, why should I be yielding to them?
I also love the round-about with stop signs. http://tinyurl.com/ydqjmou Uhhh... yeah I don't think you get the point of round-abouts if you are putting up stop signs...
Finally... I love that they put up signs that say "Yield to pedestrians". Although personally I think the sign should say "Hey dumbass! Pedestrians have the right-of-way!"
Okay, one of my biggest pet peeves ever is bad drivers. Seriously, I just want to stab them all in the eye with an ice pick. NO ONE can make me go from Wonderful to Bitch in 0.3 seconds like a crappy driver. BUT I have determined that no matter what I do, they will always be out there, so I've tried to just accept their idiocy and move on. I'm only sometimes strong enough to not let it affect me.
I've always said, "You can learn a lot about a person by the way they drive."
It's true.
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