I'll give you shiny things, okay?

You are all neat.

No, stop blushing.  I mean it.

I did a boneheaded thing and convinced myself that no one else would've made such a stupid mistake.  Then, I asked you all to dig deep and share your best moments of dumbassness.

Boy howdy, did you deliver.

These stories were so good!  And due to the German concept of Schadenfreude, I feel much better.

There were, consequently, 3 people I'd like to point out who told me some truly fantastic anecdotes.

The first came from Alicia at It Aint Easy Being Cheesy.  Unfortunately, she has forbid me from sharing this story with the public... which you know means it was really, really good.  So, I'm giving her an Honorable Mention.

The next story came from MJ at Tetanus Tomato.  This lady spins a yarn and I think you should look into her story, because it's pretty phenomenal.  So, I'm awarding her with first-runner up.

The tale that came to me and made me snort, giggle and cackle like Julia Roberts was from Gayle at Kafka's Sister.  As I told Gayle, this is a story that needs to be told.

"I moved out to the country 10 years ago with some Emersonian idea that nature would be great for my children. I even bought them a donkey. Well, the donkey got out one day and there were no 'menfolk' to be found. It fell upon my feminine wiles to lure the donkey back into its pasture...I had no lead rope...no halter...no carrots (isn't that what they use in cartoons?) nothing but peppermints. (Did I mention I'm from the city?)

I stealthily unwrapped a peppermint, gingerly placed it on the palm of my hand and let the donkey eat it. SUCCESS!! Now he had the taste, he was male, he would want more...I opened another and began to walk toward the pasture. The Donkey stayed in the middle of the yard. I called his name, 'Plato, come get a peppermint' (read what you will into his moniker) as if he would come like a dog. He just stared at me. 

I walked back towards him with 3 unwrapped peppermints, again hoping to lure him. He grabbed them from my hand then proceeded to nibble at me! I was so frightened I began to run, but not towards the pasture...NOOOOO, towards the house. Have you ever felt the hot breath of a mad donkey at your shoulders? One with hot minty fresh breath? I ran for the backdoor and it was locked. CURSES!! He was right at my heels. I turned and made a swivel move that would have impressed any big league football scout and ran for the garage...SUCCESS!! I made it just in the nick of time, he was biting at my shoulder as I shut the door.

I huddled in the garage for an hour, waiting for someone to save me or at least for the donkey to walk away. He did. Someone finally came home to rescue me...and all my kids could say was 'Gee Mom, we should have taped that for America's Funniest Videos!'"

Now, who hasn't been in a similar situation?  

Thank you, Gayle, for letting me share this little nugget of joy with the world!

If the previously mentioned 3 ladies would like to give me their addresses, I'd love to provide you with little tokens of my affection.

Let this be a lesson to you.  When you make an ass of yourself on my blog, you might win stuff.