No wonder this year sucked so much!
I didn't have goals!
Well, I'm not making that mistake again.
So, I'm going to swallow the combination of New Year's juice and last night's Chinese food that is creeping up my throat, slap myself awake and put my resolutions for 2011 in writing before the ball drops so I can go to sleep.
For your convenience (much like an ATM that only disperses cash in multiples of $20), I have divided my resolutions into short-term and long-term goals.
2011 New Year's Resolutions
Short-term
- Put gravy on more stuff
- Spend money I don't have on impractical things
- Stop cussing out the USPS on federal holidays
- Dye my hair until I no longer recognize its original color
- Continue telling people I do yoga, even though I don't
Long-term
- Consume mass quantities of ethnic food on all major religious holidays (Chinese New Year, Easter, Bastille Day, Vernal Equinox, Sukkot, Diwali, etc.)
- Quit pretending I'm going to work out
- Be able to successfully locate Slovenia on a map
- Adopt a dog and name it after a popular 90s MTV VJ
- Perpetuate the myth that I have any idea I know what I'm talking about when watching football (e.g. "Atlanta's defense is ruthless in the red zone.")
I hope all of you had a shiny, existential and only slightly sticky New Year's celebration.
And hey, when life starts pushing the blitz, I pray you all have the ability to scramble in the pocket and hand off to your best running back.
Ah-thank you.
22 comments:
I realised today that I can't remember what colour my hair actually is. To make that a goal is pure genius. Hope it goes well for ya.
Gravy is good on everything, or so I've heard. Happy New Year!
I also tell people I do yoga even though I probably haven't done it since we went to a class together! haha! Happy New Year!!!
I will NEVER stop cussing out the USPS, no matter what! I will curse them til the fat guy behind the counter croaks. I do it EVERY day. Not just holidays. So there.
And? My new years consisted of eating three different appetizers from the Walmart frozen food section for dinner (I'm a partier) and watching Mater's Tall Tales with the boys. At 11:40 I was the only one awake and I changed the calendars so I decided to rearrange my fridge.
Then I cursed the neighbors a midnight for blowing shit up. :)
You make me feel like such an underachiever. Thanks for starting my new year off at a low point -- it will have to go up now. ;-)
awww my poor boo is on the brat diet today...let me hold your hair back for you :)
you, like me, my dear have set some pretty amazing goals for the year! in fact,i poured gravy on my gluten free cereal this morning.
and i gave up working out ages ago... its so over rated.
Nobody has seen my natural hair color since the early 80's. Only my gynecologist knows for sure.
I'm so glad that gravy has a place on your list.
Also, for an MTV VJ name, the only one that comes to mind right now is La La, but I think she was more of an early 2000s girl than 90s.
I don't know which part is the red zone, but it sounds good to me!
Fabulous list! Happy New year!
I find you absolutely entertaining. I need to come here way more often! Forgive me, I'm a student, and sometimes, like it or not, I have to crack open a textbook.
However, that having been said, I think you are fantastic.
And yes, definitely get a dog and name it after a 90s VJ! No New Years Resolutions would be complete without that!...oh, and the yoga thing...I think I may just try that myself.
i have not set any goals for this new year. although reading your list, i've realized that i've already accomplished a number of your goals. and i think that's good enough.
better not be carson.
These are the best goals I've seen out there yet. I will, too, try to put more gravy on everything. Gravy only makes things better.
I would totally be fooled into thinking you know what you're talked about when it comes to football. Particularly because my comments are more along the lines of "hahaha that looked like it hurt."
Kennedy would be a pretty kick-ass name for a pooch.
Let's just hope it's not as bland and smug as the VJ. What the hell ever happened to her anyway?? Serial killer?
Please name the dog Downtown Julie Brown.
Also, I have every intention of teaching you everything there is to know about football. When you move here, we will watch it every Sunday. I will dress you from head to toe in Chargers gear and brush your hair whilst explaining tight ends and punching the hole.
Ok?
Slovenia is one of the former Yugoslav republics... Not to be confused with Slovakia, which was part of Czechoslovakia but now is its own country.
And they had VJs in the 90s on MTV? I know they did in the 80s (I had a crush on Martha)...
I've always wanted to do yoga. I've just never really...wanted to DO yoga. Haha. Ya know what I mean?
Duffy?
Slovenia is not real. Is it?
You...are my sunshine.
You're dying your hair?!?! Is that for real?
Mmmmmmmm......
Gravy.
best resolutions ever
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