Until Tuesday of this week, I had never peed in a cup.
Not for a doctor's visit, potential employment or for my own personal enjoyment.
However, I'm about to be an intern for a mental health organization and it looks bad when the therapist is higher than the clients. Apparently.
Anyway, this past Tuesday I had an appointment with my human resources representative, and after much dithering, endless paperwork and an unfortunate photograph, my HR lady told me to get my ass to the pee place for some urine examination.
Now, given that I have never been asked to fork over my discarded liquids, I wasn't familiar with the process. This provided me with some unforeseeable obstacles.
Here is what not to do when supplying your underpaid, underappreciated nurse with a urine sample (perhaps most of you already knew this).
Do not...
...attempt idle conversation with your nurse. She doesn't care.
...ask for a lid for your pee cup. This will be met with a cold stare and a harsh, "No."
...flush the toilet. Apparently she told me not to do this, but I stopped listening.
...fill the cup over the little black line. I really, really had to go.
If my urine comes back testing positive for opiates, mushrooms and horse tranquilizers, I'll know why.
And I won't be able to blame her for it.
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29 comments:
haha. Thanks for the laugh. I hate giving urine samples. It's the one time I really wish I was a guy. Hope the results are good!
Rules like that piss me off.
hahaha this cracks me up!! The first time I had to pee in a cup, I was 12.... and TERRIFIED. I had to take the cup home with me, pee in it, and let my mom return it the next day... *hangs head in shame*
On the up side, I'm practically pro now. ha.
I am inspired by your funny comments to be a funnier commenter, versus my usual "you're so great" comments. So far Funny: 0. Compliments: 1. It's a learning curve.
I once passed a drug test days after having smoke the ganga, (which I don't do anymore, all you moms and godly types) because I drank a odwalla shaped drink that tasted like cum. Not that I've ever tasted it. I'm totally not skanky like that.
I am inspired by your funny comments to be a funnier commenter, versus my usual "you're so great" comments. So far Funny: 0. Compliments: 1. It's a learning curve.
I once passed a drug test days after having smoke the ganga, (which I don't do anymore, all you moms and godly types) because I drank a odwalla shaped drink that tasted like cum. Not that I've ever tasted it. I'm totally not skanky like that.
Two thumbs down on the urine samples. I used to get UTIs all the time, so I know all about them. Great post. Cracked me up!
whoa...slow your roll. you've NEVER had to pee in a cup! dude. i've had to pee in a cup since i was in high school! lets just say i was a "troubled" youth...just wait til your knocked up and you have to BRING in a urine sample...mmhmm.. the hubs always loved finding that jar in the fridge.
LOL... yeah, a little hard to watch for the black line when the cup isn't exactly at eye level.
Want to say thanks for entering to win the $40.00 CSNStores.com gift card giveaway. Hope you win.
Keri
I am a pro at peeing in a cup. Really, I love to do it. It's so much fun. Especially when the stream of pee shoots off every which way and leaves your hand covered in urine.
I like that it's "apparently" bad for the therapists to be higher than the patients. That really made me laugh.
OMG this is soooooooooo True,.. Esp when your are growin' a bean, damn I hated going to the doc,.. efin efers!!! :)
and when you have a baby, you'll get to carry your open top urine cup from the bathroom into your exam room at every OB appt.
Ugh I hate giving urine samples!!
I've always been able to put a lid on mine! That's weird that they don't want you to flush...strange rules! The hardest part for me is placing it in the right spot so the pee doesn't get on my hand, but into the cup! Haha.
You're an overpee'er!
I didn't hear any complaints about aim so I'm assuming lots of practice with the EPT? I may be projecting here.
LOL Try peeing in a container for 24 hours so your workplace can test you for heavy metals. Those jugs were made for men, not women. Get used to the pee thing, it's a long road of peeing in cups as a woman. My son had to pee in a cup for his 5 year old checkup. Now that was interesting. There after I had to convince him not to do it at home. Despite all that I found my measuring cup in the bathroom filled with suspicious fluid. He told me he wanted to know how much he peed, so he was measuring it.
i love this last comment. wow, i would have trouble cooking with that again...
holy crap i can't believe you've never peed in a cup! i've been doing it at doctor's appointments since i was a little kid. and then for job interviews. and then to dip ovulation sticks and then pregnancy sticks (repeat that cycle for two years) and then at every prenatal appointment! but at least my doctor gives me a container with a lid and a little brown bag to put it in...
seriously though, i bet i've peed in hundreds of cups. you're such an amateur.
We have random drug testing at my hospital. Of course my name gets called every other year. (Maybe they're reading my blog?) I flushed one time, too. Nurse Ratchet was not amused.
I've never had to give a sample for work, but I hate having to do it for doctors. I always end up wrapping the cup in wads of paper towel so that the nurse can't feel how warm it is. Even that grosses me out. Thankfully, I have never, ever had to give a #2 sample. Touch wood - here's to lots of fibre and good colon health. ##ithinkimgonnabarfnow. - G
Lol, thats so funny! Good luck, hehe!
Daisy Dayz Home
Okay I have to go back to the beginning and just marvel at the fact you have never been asked to pee in a cup before!
My first comment would have been, "You mean now? Don't I get to detox first?"
You crack me up! I have had to pee in a cup for most of my jobs. I have always worked with kids and they don't like you to be high when you do that. I am a professional pee in a cupper.
Hope you wiped the container off of any wayward drops. They don't like when you hand it back to them all drippy either. Don't ask how I know this.
They should pass this out as an instruction list to everyone that ever has to give a urine sample. I flushed once too. Nurse Nasty was not happy.
Crazy! I've peed in a cup so many times in my life, when ever I go pee at home it feels like I'm missing something....something is wrong.
And I now realize that this makes it seem like I'm like on parole or some shit.
I'm not.
Anymore.
OMG! Sara, you should have contacted me! Between my pregnancy and life insurance prerequisites alone I have peed....in no less than....50 cups!
All my wisdom, and no one to share it with! GAWD!
Oh, they give me pee cup lids at my doctor. Without it, I'm sure there would have been numerous catastrophies, all of which I would have caused.
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