The term paper is an outdated custom enforced by our higher education system to check up on all the fancy book-learnin' we're soaking up by counting how many multi-syllabic words we use. Nobody likes writing them and nobody likes reading them. So, why perpetuate this ridiculous tradition?
Plus, I use big words all the time, like "dumbassedness", "craptitude" and "mother-lovin'-piece-of-"
Well, you get the point.
Deadlines be damned!
For those of you who are getting in on this mess for the first time (welcome, by the way!), I am a graduate student in a marriage and family therapy program and I'm not what you would call... academic.
Many would refer to me as lazy, but I challenge this label.
Would a lazy person have the energy to go out to dinner, eat a meal that should technically feed 3, follow up with dessert and then go home to watch The Goblet of Fire from beginning to end?
Just take a moment to ponder how much exertion that would require. You're tired just thinking about it, aren't you?
In order to crank out the 20 pages I need to call this assignment complete, I took very proactive steps. I moved my computer to the kitchen table so I couldn't be distracted by the television. I got all my books and spread them out in front of me. I even got two different beverages (coffee and water) so I would have no need to get up and dither around getting a drink.
None of it makes a damn bit of difference if I'm checking my e-mail, listening to my Pandora station I labeled as "Crap I Pretend Not To Like" and blogging. All of which I am doing right now.
When I first sat down to my computer, there was a five minute period where I did, in fact, have a word document up and I had every intention of writing something truly profound. This is what my brain came up with:
- Did I buy grapes yesterday?
- There's nothing quite like a really good highlighter.
- I have nice feet.
- Maybe I should get a fish.
- I have a lot of one dollar bills.
- I wonder if people think I'm a stripper when I pay with them.
- I hope so.
- Hummus.
Wow. 3:30pm already?
Must be time for a break!
27 comments:
You're a stripper??? Where at?
Step AWAY from the Internet. That's right, hands in the air, turn around, switch off the router...
No, I couldn't, either - but do as I say, not as I do..... ;)
whoa 20 pages? have tons and tons of fun with that, okay?
i'm stuck here trying to draw a portrait Chuck Close style. so far all i did was sketch the portrait and draw the grid. then i got tired and decided to lay on my bed - which is coincidentally where my computer also likes to hang out.
i'll work on it later.
Wow you're a stripper TOO??? Amazing.
Seriously, we MUST be the same person. When I was toiling away in college, I never once got a paper done early. My papers were typically completed approximated 10 minutes before they were due. And you know what? They always kicked ass. Cum Laude? Why yes, yes I was.
PROCRASTINATION FOR THE WIN.
You DO have a lot of 1 dollar bills! Which is amazing fantastic! =) And look, I even posted a comment! =) You is my love! Rock that paper biz-nass!
I'd be thrilled if my students would turn in papers with complete sentences, I could give a damn about multi-syllabic words.
Now go to work :)
Term papers are the universe's way of paying it forward with misery. At least if no one is reading it you can blah blah some blah blahs for most of it and just be profound for a few paragraphs at the beginning and end, right?
I'm saw your guest post on Stir-Fry Awesomeness and came by only to point out that I thought you had really good reasons for wanting to be a sex therapist. I thought sex therapists just helped people like Tiger Woods with "addictions", but you pointed out really valid concerns that should have a trained professional to help them. Your parents should be proud!
Tee Hee. Am I reading the thoughts of the next Diablo Cody?
Tee Hee. Am I reading the thoughts of the next Diablo Cody?
ugh. horrible memories flooding back now. i was an english lit major in college.... so i had to wax poetic (usually for 15-20 pages) about such drivel as renaissance drama, the intricacies of the usage of transcendentalism in 16th century blah blah blah yadda yadda. AND i was a master procrastinator (which was not nearly as cool of a title as it sounds....) and all that did was add to my incessant need to snack, smoke, and drink to cope. guess it WASN'T my graduation cap that made my face look fat......hmmmmmm
p.s....a good highlighter is the bomb-diggity. just sayin'...
Hahaha! :)
My highlighter of choice is the Sanford "Liquid Accent," but I haven't been in school for a while and don't know if these are produced anymore . . .
Also, if I had nice feet, I wouldn't be wasting them in school . . . Scrap academics and be a model! :)
Someone just called you the next Diablo Cody! Which could be a reference to the stripper thing. But I also think it's a compliment as she wrote "Juno" and I, for one, dug her super-quirky voice. And you also have a quirkiness about you that is delightful.
So...I think that's cool. How's that paper comin'?
I think you're going to have to unplug your router. It's the only way. I know it will be like disconnecting the oxygen and there will be a moment when you think you are actually going to collapse to the floor and flail around a bit and die (all CSI:Miami style)...but you will survive and the paper will get written. Otherwise there's a whole world of cat/dog porn and fusion ramen noodle recipes to look up. And I'm pretty sure your term paper isn't on either one of those things.
PS I just accused Neal of going to the strip club when he whipped out a whole stack of 1's to tip the waitress last night. I forgot we had just been to the horse races twice in the past two weeks. Maybe people think you have a gambling problem.
I am the exact same way. I have a huge project due Tuesday and I haven't started. I'm supposed to collect somewhere around 200 resources...There goes my Sunday. haha. I bet you have nice feet. :] Good luck getting everything done.
Why do you have so many 1's? Hmmm? You want to take me on vacation with those pups?
Hummus. Pig Liver.
This is the kind of student I would be. And I don't label it as lazy. I prefer "creative." So there. :)
I have the same problem writing my novel. I tend to get distracted and think of anything BUT writing it.
I love what your brain came up with. Sounds like my brain.
Procrastination is my name in Latin. Distraction, a distant cousin, is constantly screwing with my head. When I'm trying to write, Distraction tells me to "get something to eat," or "turn on the tv," or "find some obscure fact on the Internet." I care nothing about. I wish Distraction would get out of the house once in a while. Oh! Maybe that's me.
Hummus is always a good thought to have.
And lots of breaks totally make you work more productively. They keep your brian from getting in a rut. I claim this is scientifically factual, and no one has never challenged me on it.
A woman after my own heart, I too have a mind that functions similar to yours thus I couldn't agree more - nothing worse than an highlighter that isn't quite up to the mark.
$1 bills = stripper? Ok, what do handfuls of change from the bottom of a purse mean about someone? Not me, naturally, but...someone.
I definitely think you should get a fish.
This reminds me of my college and grad school years. I was very adept at procrastination. I think I could teach a class on it.
This reminds me that I had a dream last night---one of those stressful ones where you realize it's the end of the semester and you haven't been to a single class or studied for the final....ack!
I had a friend in college who intentionally threw the sentence..."And then the frogs used their sniper rifles to take out the dog." into his term paper to see if the teacher actually read the whole thing.
Nope. Not one comment on this completely random sentence.
He left it in the final copy. Hilarious!
That sooooooooooooooooo sounds like how i was in school. Ick. As soon as you have to bust out some soon-to-be-due assignment, it's all, hey the blinds need dusting!!
You are me! you are so right. The profs just give us the papers because they are following in a long line of profs who give 20 page papers, and they don't want to be "out of the loop" as far as papers go. Who reads the things?
Nice feet? I wish.
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