Today, I'm asking something of all of you.
I need you to search your thought-sicles, squeeze your mind grapes and tell me one of the dumbest things you've ever done.
Don't worry, I'll go first.
One of the pieces of my heart lives in Hong Kong and her name is Sonya Rae. I wanted to send her a Christmas present (shut up, I know it's January), so I gathered some things I know she likes but can't get over there.
In an effort to be cost efficient, I went to the post office and got one of those Priority flat-rate boxes, thinking I was so damn smart.
Given that I have sent boxes to Hong Kong and other foreign countries before, I had a vague idea of how much it would cost. So, in my infinite wisdom, I didn't even check.
I got to the post office, went through all the paper work of sending a box overseas and even congratulated myself on my maturity.
Then, I glanced at the little window telling me how much it cost.
$43.45???
I just stared at the screen in disbelief. How on earth could it be so expensive? I have never paid that much to send her a package.
Then, I remembered two very important things:
1. Priority means 6-10 days, and I usually just ask for whatever is cheapest, but more importantly...
2. ...I SENT IT PRIORITY!!!
By this time, I'd filled out all the paperwork and my helpful P.O. employee had already slapped the postage on the box. It was too late to change my mind.
I was absolutely livid.
Somehow, I managed to get back in my car before screaming at the top of my lungs so loud and long that I actually got a little dizzy.
When I do things like this, I get so angry with myself that I can barely see straight. It just makes me feel young and stupid.
Now, I do boneheaded things quite a bit, but normally they're not this expensive. Walking into a glass door is embarrassing and it'll drop your cool factor down exponentially, but at least it's free.
Anyway, I am requesting some validation.
Do me a solid and share a story involving a giant brain fart, a space cadet moment or an act of straight up, undiluted moronitude.
In fact, my favorite story might even win a little prize, depending on the caliber of what I receive.
This is not the time to keep it classy.
38 comments:
One time I got into a fight with my dad on the phone while I was driving when I was in college. In my fit of emotions, I got out of the car while still on the phone with him, locked the door out of habit (manual locks -- this was the ol' neon), and shut the door...then realized the keys were still in the ignition. Oh yes, and the car was running. My dad, already mad at me, had to drive to Lafayette with the spare set of keys and unlock the door. Probably the dumbest thing I've EVER done. Still makes me sick to think about it. So no, my friend, you are not alone!
That's easy...I had kids. And kids grow up into teenagers. And that's when you want to swallow a bullet.
OK, here's one - When I was 19 I decided that I wanted to go to Bloomingdales to go shopping. I had made a few extra bucks in tips that week (maybe 40 more than normal)and I was feeling flush. I go to the handbag section and I find an awesome looking, purple leather bag by Carlos Falchi. I look at the price tag and it's 28.75. The leather was butter soft and the styling of the bag was over the top chic. I'd be a fool not to buy it. I run up to the line and when my turn comes, I plunk down the gorgeous bag and she rings it for 287.50 (which was the sale price). I froze. I didn't have that much money from my entire paycheck. I stuttered said something to the effect of, oh, I forgot to get a wallet and I left a trail of flames, out of the store, COMPLETELY humiliated. Now if that had been the only time I did that, then it wouldn't be so bad. I repeated similar scenarios at least two other times that I can remember. So, I feel ya sister.
ooh,yes. I once sent a few packages of Jello to an ex-pat colleague living in France... it cost me $45. I LOVE Hong Kong - wonder if your friend will let me come live with her?
I was once abroad on business (Germany) and I met a new colleague in the lobby of the hotel. I introduced myself promptly, giving him my name, and he just said: "nice to meet you." It always annoys me when I give someone my name in an introduction and they don't. So I said: "and you are?"
It was our brand new CEO.
It's a bit of a long story so here's the link to my recent trip to Foolsville. - G
http://oholivejuice.blogspot.com/2009/12/drive-me-crazy.html
ugh priority is PRIORITY and also vip.
This was the most accidentally mean and stupid thing I've maybe ever done.
I was in marching band, my freshman year of high school. One of the girls in my section saved me a seat when we went into the band room in the afternoon of our first full day. I said thanks, and asked what her name was.
Her: It's (pause) Ashley.
Me, with awkward laughing: Did you forget your name for a second?
Her: No, I...have a speech impediment.
And now you and everyone else on the internet know, and I'll never have friends again.
I know this is beside the point, but if you sent it flat-rate, you should have been able to cram as much as you wanted to and have it be that flat rate. Or was flat rate to Japan that much? Probably. Never mind.
Some years ago my husband was in talks and interviewing with a company about a new job. I was concerned that they would try to low-ball him on the salary and was anxious to hear what they were going to offer.
He emailed me from work with a forward in the email with the company's craptastic offer.
I emailed him back and said something to the effect of "I knew that company was going to come in low, those $%*&@!*$!!!!
Moments later I get a call from my husband. He got the email. But somehow I ended up sending it to the company he was talking to as well.
Good times.
Wow! I have so much to choose from... A lot of them involve hair color.
One of the non-hair color related incidents was when I was in college and I ran out of automatic dishwasher powder so I thought I would use the liquid dishwashing soap for handwashing. I mean it's for dishes, right? So I filled both cups all the way up. Bad, bad idea. Did you ever see the Brady Bunch where Peter tries to wash his own clothes and bubbles fill the entire kitchen? That's about right. Except tiny, tiny apartment. Bubbles everywhere. On the carpet. Everywhere. Because of course, I started the dishwasher before I left to go to class. I return three hours later to something out of a 1950's movie. Took hours to clean up and the dishes had to be washed again because they were still covered in bubbles. UGH!
So I'm right there with you. :-)
Okay... keep in mind I don't tell people this story much except with those I experienced it with, and this was definitely before I thought about converting to Mormonism, cause I haven't had a drink since I started.
Okay, so for my senior trip a couple of years ago my friends and I decided to go to Cancun. I expect you know why. So one night I didn't eat much before we started drinking at the hotel (It was all inclusive) and seriosuly, I had like 2 shots. That was IT.
I was totally, and completely plastered. Getting on to the bus to go to the club I was already barfing (And apparently made out with some random dude?? But seriously, who makes out with a girl who just threw up??)
So one of my friends decides to go back to the hotel with me because I was in no shape to be out for the night and we hopped onto a bus that we made sure was heading back to our hotel. Turns out the guy just LIED to us (my poor friend had to deal with all this while I was pretty out of it). So we get off before we got any further away in the wrong direction. Of course, we had no more money because we only carried enough for the bus rides. SWEET.
So literally, we wander the streets of mexico, just two girls drunk and alone for a few hours. My friend making sure I keep walking since I am just trying to go to sleep and not barf anymore (Seriously, 2 shots did this??).
After a few hours of wandering around, two REALLY NICE ladies take pity on us and give us some change to get to our hotel. Our ANGELS that night. We finally get back thankfully safe and sound and two minutes later everyone else gets back after spending the whole night at the club.
That's definitely my dumbest story because who knows what could have happened to us that night. Definitely glad I won't ever be doing that again.
Oh, and did I mention that one the first night of that trip the friend that helped me home was definitely drugged by some sleezy guy?? Thank goodness we were keeping a watchful eye on everyone and was able to get her out of there.
I don't recommend the same trip to any other ladies by themselves. I mean don't get me wrong the trip was fantastical, but could have gone HORRIBLY wrong many many times.
Just stopping by for a blog visit, and enjoying reading all of the as we call it "V8" moments...from the camercial.."I could have had a V8"...but good luck getting MY V8 moment public...hehe...
Once, while trying to fill my car up, the gas would not come out....I checked everything, looked at the pump, everything was ready...no gas. Exasperated, I asked the attendant: "THE GAS WON'T COME OUT!!"...He walked over, looked at me like I was a moron and gentle flipped the release on the pump.
Oops. I could have swore I had done that already:)....what an idiot.
Lets try the MORE THAN ONE time I finished grocery shopping and realized I forgot my purse in the car, after I already loaded my cart on the conveyor belt... el stupido.
Or maybe the time I locked my keys in the car, while it was running, at the gas station... grrrr.
I think I have had many a "Lucy" (as in, Lucille Ball) moments in my life, like the time I opened a bag of popcorn and spilled the entire bag on the floor, which the cat then pounced on and slipped and slid through the room knocking popcorn into every corner of my house.
Oooh or the time I left the water running in the sink in the kitchen, to soak some pots and ... well, forgot... remembering when I went to get something in the kitchen and hydroplaned and slipped and fell in an INCH OF WATER covering THE ENTIRE KITCHEN FLOOR... Oh yes. I am a dumb ass.
I have muffins for breakfast every day, and decided that rather than buying from my local bakery, it would be cheaper for me to make my own. So I spent upwards of $100 on kitchen supplies and ingredients with which to bake blueberry muffins.
... only to later remember that I HATE blueberry muffins.
Michelle,
I'm so glad to hear you came out of that alive!
Jennifer Lynn,
That is exactly the kind of thing I would do, except I wouldn't even ask for help. I'd just pack up my righteous indignation and tell the story far and wide.
Aha, I have similar post office story. Except my package was going to a complete stranger...in Canada. Who lives in Canada anyway?
To answer your question on yard eggs: I just recently discovered them so don't feel bad! I'm not one of those hoity toity "natural" people who were just born knowing shat like this. But they aren't commercial eggs. You can usually only find them at someone's house or at a farmer's market. The chickens usually just roam around and lay eggs wherever- sometimes in a coop. But they eat bugs and stuff so the eggs are always really bright and delicious. :)
Sara,
Thank you for coming by my blog and let me say..I ADORE your writing style. I am now a bona-fide follower!
Here's my moronic moment (among many)
I moved out to the country 10 years ago with some Emersonian idea that nature would be great for my children. I even bought them a donkey. Well, the donkey got out one day and there were no "menfolk" to be found. It fell upon my feminine wiles to lure the donkey back into its pasture...I had no lead rope...no halter...no carrots (isn't that what they use in cartoons?) nothing but peppermints. (Did I mention I'm from the city?)
I stealthily unwrapped a peppermint, gingerly placed it on the palm of my hand and let the donkey eat it. SUCCESS!! Now he had the taste, he was male, he would want more...I opened another and began to walk toward the pasture. The Donkey stayed in the middle of the yard. I called his name, "Plato, come get a peppermint" (read what you will into his moniker) as if he would come like a dog. He just stared at me. I walked back towards him with 3 unwrapped peppermints, again hoping to lure him. He grabbed them from my hand then proceeded to nibble at me! I was so frightened I began to run, but not towards the pasture...NOOOOO, towards the house. Have you ever felt the hot breath of a mad donkey at your shoulders? One with hot minty fresh breath? I ran for the backdoor and it was locked. CURSES!! He was right at my heels. I turned and made a swivel move that would have impressed any big league football scout and ran for the garage...SUCCESS!! I made it just in the nick of time, he was biting at my shoulder as I shut the door. I huddled in the garage for an hour, waiting for someone to save me or at least for the donkey to walk away. He did. Someone finally came home to rescue me...and all my kids could say was "Gee Mom, we should have taped that for America's Funniest Videos!"
Gayle
Oh I'm sure I can come up with some doozies. In the meantime, I have an award for you at http://www.beamingbalance.com/2010/01/when-life-hands-you-lemons.html
Congrats!
Well, since you asked....
When my husband got deployed in January of 2008, I asked him to make me a list of things that needed to be done around the house (I had NO idea about house maintenance, being an apartment rat). He mumbled something about dealing with things as they came up. So, fast forward to the summer when it became absolutely necessary to turn the lawn irrigation system on. I had sort of noticed that it seemed to be watering the lawn a lot. Like everyday for 3-6 hours. But I thought that maybe that was normal and maybe that's why all of our neighbors had grass-envy. Until we got the water bill. Apparently, I was supposed to set the irrigation system to run either on Schedule A OR Schedule B. It was set for Schedule A AND Schedule B. The grand total for June's water bill was $436. My water bill had NEVER been more than $35. I went into sticker-shock. Fortunately for our marriage, Neal laughed and then told me how to fix it. But imagine the number of shoes I could have bought with over $400! Also, if you are fertilizing the lawn and accidentally dump a whole mound of fertilizer in one spot, it will KILL the grass, it will NOT make the grass grow really fast and green. Consider yourself warned.
Well, before my husband deployed I asked him how the lawn mower turned off. I didn't realize that all you had to do was let go of the thing. But how would I know, he had always done the mowing prior to that.
i wish i didn't have so many of these stories in common with your other readers! misreading prices, not able to get the gas station pump to pump out the gas, etc. a few of my own include spraying gas all over my 16 year old self while my mom was teaching me how to fill the tank. she should have told me to release my grip before pulling out the nozzle. the worst part was that we were in the middle of a long roadtrip with my family and they were not thrilled to have a gasoline soaked family member in the car with them for the next number of hours. we all ended up with migraines. i also have a bad memory for faces which is really embarrassing when i introduce myself to someone i've already met. one example of this. i met my husband and his roommate at church one sunday, sat by them, and they even offered me a ride home (which i politely declined). literally an hour or two later they knocked on my apartment door... i didn't recognize them and i asked them their names and where they were from. luckily my husband forgave my stupidity. ;-)
wow, this is long, i have too many stupid moments.
ps- i have had so many bad post office experiences i actually kind of have a post office phobia now. i had one of the biggest breakdowns of my life in a super crowded post office. i was literally throwing boxes, yelling, and crying all at the same time. not my proudest moment.
so yeah, totally feel for you with the post office moment.
oh heck. That was an expensive one. However, it is better than being dangerous.
For example: I have had so much on my mind lately that I nearly left the dog out ALL NIGHT LONG in 20 degree weather.
Then, I pumped 25 gallons of gas in my SUV having forgot to turn off the engine. Oh dear.
And, I have been known to cook a grilled cheese or two having forgotten to actually PUT the cheese on it.
So you are not alone. Be at ease. We are all scattered brained :)+-
After receiving an email of stuff I had to do for my friends wedding I did a colourful commentary on it and forwarded it to my sister. Or so I thought. Turns out I forwarded it to the Bride-To-Be.
I felt horrible, especially because I really didn't mean any of it and the fact I just became "that" bridesmaid.
See, you aren't the only one.
Oh booooooo I did something similar with a Fed Ex'ed package once.
Let's seeeee stupid things...I got stuck in a bike rack once. I think I might have to make a post about that this week.
ohhhhh woman. this questions opens up a whole can of worms....and somehow most of my stories incorporate mudbutt somehow....
Lemme just say: FBomb Friday moment! I'll be thinking of one...
Sara: It's me. MJ. You may have believed me dead since I haven't come a knockin' in over a month. But, alas, I am still kickin'. I have an embarrassing story for you. It involves a temporary loss of more than $40. It involves a man named Jose and little place called EXXON. It's a tale I can't bear to tell aloud because of its built-in foolishness. As you read it, please feel sorry for me. It would please me muchly.
Okay, well I still don't understand why it wasn't the flat rate price... which I think is even dumber that not realizing what you were doing in the first place.
Carrie,
You poor thing! I'll bet you didn't go back to a gas station for months. Yikes.
Jenn,
That made me cringe on the inside. I mean from my uvula to my colon, that hurt me.
Salt,
I would love to hear that story.
It's like your request had an automatic response in my brain: repression. I can't think of a single thing, even though I KNOW I do amazingly dumb things on a pretty regular basis.
Sigh.
In other news, though, you are super loved on my blog right now. :-)
I'm pretty sure that every time I've been pregnant, I've done many, many dumb things just like that story you told. (And yes, I am capable of such things when I am not pregnant, but pregnancy has definitely magnified that for me. So, watch out for that when/if you decide to have some babies someday.)
For example, I remember starting my tea kettle to drink some of that stupid Red Leaf Raspberry Tea (that's supposed to make you go into labor, but it totally doesn't), and I forgot about it. I came downstairs, like, two hours later to find a SEVERELY scorched, black, smoking tea kettle. I am so flipping lucky I didn't burn the house down (especially since I was hugely pregnant and on the second floor). Even if I had just started a fire in the kitchen, I'm sure it'd have cost more than $50 to fix that damage. AND there'd be no guarantee that I learned my lesson since my brain and spinal cord disconnect during pregnancy.
I know I have more stories that are even, like, embarrassing. I can't remember any of those right now, though. Pregnancy and parenthood causes memory and brain loss, too.
I stupid stuff on a daily basis so I'll share with you today's "stupid event of the day". In a rush to re-heat leftovers from dinner last night, I shoved as much as I could in the microwave...a huge plate of turkey, a small plate of stuffing and a glass measuring cup full of gravy.
When it was done and I opened up the microwave, the glass cup had already fallen over at some point, gravy spewed everywhere, all over the inside of the microwave and oozing down onto the stove below. One of the kids ran by just in time to scream, "Eeew, that's nasty".
I will not be overfilling the microwave again.
I was running late for work, and after I started the car I realized "Oh, no!" I was out of gas and too far (I thought) from work to put it off. So I stopped at the nearest gas station and ran inside with ten dollars, which was near the end of my cash. There was a long line, and the cashier was new and very, very slow. I can't remember what happened exactly but I'm positive I muttered (very loudly) as I jogged out, "Thanks for making me late!"
I then hopped in the car, started the ignition, and drove off. I was on the highway before I realized --though I had purchased gas-- I had failed to ever pump gasoline in the car. And it was much too late for me to turn around.
Fortunately, I had JUST enough gas to make it to work, and then a gas station, but it was very close, and I, of course, never regained that ten dollars. And yes, I felt very stupid. :) Oh well!
IT's okay, I have done some pretty idiotic things. However it is currently 1:20 in the am and I don't really have the brain power.
This being said, The other day I was drunk and went to take a picture of my mother and cousin at the three kings dance, but took a picture of myself instead.
( does that count seeing as I already posted it in a blog post?)
I stuck my hand into a snow blower to unclog it while the blades were moving.
Where to start. I've done so many stupid things I seriously can't imagine picking one. Perhaps getting on the wrong airplane? Or getting off at the wrong train station, and spending 30 minutes with someone at the right train station, trying to figure out why we couldn't find each other? Or maybe it's like 3 weeks ago when I said to the quiet girl I just met "Do you speak?". It's looking forward to little connections like that that get me up in the morning. You're not alone.
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