I know you like to think your sh*t don't stink

(This was originally posted last February, but in an act of conscience or something stupid, I removed it. Well, I don't work there anymore and I think this is valuable information for one and all!)

When do certain co-workers suddenly decide they're too cool for school?

I recently resumed employment with an organization for which I worked this time last year. So, the nice thing is that I know most of the people, how to get around, who works in what department, who has the good candy on their desk, etc.

What's unfortunate, however, is when co-workers you knew from Colonial times, who were once perfectly amiable and pleasant, are suddenly condescending and attitudinal (pretend it's a word).

But Sara, you might ask, how would I know? Are there some helpful hints I can use? Why, yes, fellow peon, there are! Allow me to make an unnecessary list! And use lots of exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!

Top 5 Signs Your Co-worker Has Become A Massive Tool

1. Said co-worker (let's call him Remington Steele) starts to dress a little differently (e.g. power ties, new cufflinks, belt buckle that says, "Recognize").

2. Remington may also add just one mildly snarky, passive aggressive sentence in an otherwise perfectly friendly e-mail, asking to meet with you ("Would you mind meeting at 3:47 instead of 3:45? It may not seem like a big difference to you, moron, but it is to me. I'll bring the donuts!").

3. During meetings or phone conversations, Remington Asshat* will constantly look at his watch (now a Fossil instead of the Scrappy Doo digital he used to have) and sigh heavily when you bring up a new question, so as to politely remind you that he is more important than you.

4. When someone brings in cake for his or her birthday (which good employees do), you naturally head up to the break room to snag a piece, but lo' and behold, Senor Steele has taken the last piece, even though you know he will scrape off the icing, eat half of the cake and throw the rest in the trash, while complaining that his piece was too big.

5. It's 5:15pm and you are proud of yourself for staying a little longer than you are required. On your way out, you pass him heading back to his office. You politely say, "Have a good evening!" He replies, "Oh, I'll be here forever with all the work I have [because I'm so important]. You're so lucky you can afford to leave promptly at 5 [because everyone knows you don't actually do anything]. See you tomorrow!"

With my help, you may be able to successfully identify these people, let others know of your discovery and start practicing your impressions of them.

Disclaimer: If you learn that YOU are the tool in question, stop it. Nobody likes you.

*This must be attributed to my brother. Thanks, Sam.