Recently, I have had the distinct displeasure of being reacquainted with a particularly hateful shrew.
Many tales of horror surround her in mystery and darkness.
Some say she eats your children in the dead of night. Others claim she can wither crops and kill off livestock with a simple glance.
Worse yet, I've heard tell that she can actually bewitch you into willingly signing over all your money, assets and possessions, and eventually, your soul.
Yes, that's right. I'm talking about...............
.........Sallie. Mae.
This blistering harpie is tricky.
First, you will fill out all the paperwork and do exactly as you are told. You will submit this information, fully confident that there will be no problems as you followed the instructions to the letter and your helpful customer service rep. assured you all was well.
Next, you will receive multiple e-mails accusing you of late fees, incomplete forms or inaccurate information on your FAFSA.
Then, you will call the deceptive she-bat back and a brand new customer service rep. will claim ignorance regarding what the first person told you (and pretty much tell you how stupid you were to believe them) but give you all new details, insisting that this time it's for real.
After a couple weeks, she will lull you into a false sense of security and you will naively assume that no news is good news.
Bullshit.
It turns out, you were in default of payment and were therefore incurring multiple late fees, as well as additional charges for Sallie's pain and suffering.
Finally, you will call back, rip this particularly friendly customer service rep. a new one, throw around phrases like, "Never in my life...!" and "I want to be quite clear when I say...!" All the while, your robot of a CSR will agree with you and obsequiously promise to clear everything up immediately while you continue to threaten them and every member of their immediate family.
I would like to tell you that this is where the story ends, but...
...it's only the beginning!
Mwahahahahahahahahaha!
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6 comments:
The evil laugh...is that NC Hillspeak for "To Be Continued"?
Perhaps Sally Mae owns Mediacom. I'm gonna say that it does.
Sally Mae owns Mediacom.
Sally Mae seems to get around and away with her triflin' ways.
Sallie Mae and I are finito after this month. I'm sending $113 her way, and then we are officially and completely done. I hope you can cope with Sallie Mae and that you never meet her boyfriend Freddie Mac. What demonic money smoocher gave those two such deceivingly cutesy names anyway? It all reeks of LIES!
Ughhhh I have never met Sallie Mae but she can eat my poo! It's funny...at first when you started to describe her, I thought you were talking about Kenneth the Page's Hill Witch and that she's actually a real thing in the South!
I HATE her - I paid off that loan as SOON as I could because the interest rate just kept going up.
Burn the witch! Let's form a mob!!
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