Is it small? Cheap? Useless? I must have it.

I, my friends, am a consumer.

I'm almost positive that when ad companies are getting ready to push a new campaign, right before they air their new commercial, everybody stops to consider, "Would Sara be tricked into buying this?" Unless it's an ad for Subway (no, I will not "eat fresh") or Budweiser (king of beers, my ass), I'm highly susceptible.

While I don't think this is necessarily something of which to be proud, I also like to think I know myself pretty well and heaven help me, I like to buy stuff. It is what it is.

I was reminded of this fact when I was in a check-out lane only a few hours ago. The lady in front of me was taking entirely too long. Apparently her credit card wasn't working and she felt the need to have it swiped several times, as well as explain to the cashier that this NEVER happens to her and she had no idea what was wrong and he should try it again because it would probably work the 7th time, right?

Being the patient person I am, I rolled my eyes and turned my attention to the display of candy, chocolate bars, gift cards, lint rollers and anything else Timmy toddler would reach for should his mother turn her head for 2 seconds. It was nothing I hadn't seen before, but I perused the vast selection nonetheless.

My gaze faltered, however, when I zeroed in on the Orbit gum shelf. I generally have a pack in my purse (as I did at this particular moment), but that did not stop me from noticing a NEW! LIMITED EDITION! flavor expertly named Positively Pomegranate. I knew it had to be mine. I immediately began my mental checklist:

Do I need it? - No.
Is it vital to my existence? - No.
Am I currently out of gum? - No.
Should I be spending $1 on gum I don't need? - No.
Do I want it? - YES!
Was there really a point to performing this checklist as you knew you would probably be buying it either way? - No. Why haven't you figured that out yet?

Needless to say, the gum made its way into my purse and I am a happier person. What can I say? I'm weak. (It's delicious, by the way, but the flavor doesn't last very long.)

I do this more than I care to admit. Rarely does it happen with large, painfully expensive items, but that still doesn't much excuse the behavior.

Like anyone, I have key words that really grab and hold my attention. I'm more likely to buy coffee that is fair-trade, I'm more apt to purchase makeup that is made with natural ingredients and packaged in recyclable materials and I'm more prone to buying food when it is labeled as "tasty".

The other aspect is who is telling me to buy something. I actually prefer when Jane/John Doe is pitching an idea to me, rather than Marie Osmond (plus, if I'm going to buy anything from an Osmond, it had damn well better be Donny). When it comes to celebrity preference, however, I have my lists of who is allowed to pander to me and who is not.

Good celebrity endorsers:
Marlo Thomas
Magic Johnson
Kate Winslet
Phylicia Rashad
Peyton or Eli Manning
Blythe Danner

Bad celebrity endorsers:
Tom Cruise
Raquel Welch
Michael Moore
Rush Limbaugh
Kobe Bryant
Sean Penn
Mariska Hargitay

Hopefully, when I go home tonight and watch my DVRed episode of Gilmore Girls, I won't catch Bono (the king of Ireland!) talking up the benefits of polenta. But if it's Gloria Estefan...