I can't feel my eyelids

On Sunday, I had the pleasure of attending my good chinchilla-friend's (Lisa) church service.

At one point, we were discussing... NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS! OUTSTANDING!

We were given the small task of writing down past resolutions, whether they worked or not, and we were asked to make a few new ones.

It just so happened that one of mine said something like, "Try not to eat your weight in food tonight at dinner (Lisa's mom is an excellent cook)." I remember chuckling at this one and showing it to Lisa, who probably rolled her eyes, but humored me with a smile.

I did not keep that resolution. At all. I mean, I broke that sucker and broke it good. We'll come back to that.

It was also Fast Sunday at Lisa's church. I opted not to fast. However, when confronted with about 200 people who did, I managed to convince myself that since I was skipping lunch, I was basically fasting, too.

At dinner, you would've thought I was stocking up for the winter. Sausage balls, mashed potatoes and gravy, fried chicken, green beans, sliced bread and sparkling grape juice. If the Magic School Bus had been in my stomach, that field trip would've been far less educational and a lot more emotionally scarring. Ms. Frizzle would not have been pleased.

After dinner, Lisa and her friend, Rachel, created a trifle consisting of chocolate cake, vanilla pudding, chocolate sauce and strawberries. It was absolutely gorgeous.


After the mass consumption of trifle, Lisa, Rachel and I retired to the den for a period of reflection and introspective thought. Well, we watched "Baby Mama" starring Tina Fey and Amy Pohler, but it's pretty much the same thing.

Now, had a stranger been walking by that room, they would not have known what to do with the noises that were coming out of it. While I don't want to get graphic, I will just say that this trifle was probably the most gas-producing dessert any one of us had ever consumed. (It may have something to do with the quantity or the speed in which we ate it, but I choose to ignore that part and accept little to no responsibility. Game on.)

Nevertheless, I feel pretty confident in saying that not one of us was sorry and if given the opportunity, we'd do it again.