Chat stew or chat spew?

I talk too much.

I can just hear my mother as she reads this, saying, "Really? That is brand new information!"

Normally, I don't mind this about myself. And I don't think others mind it that much either.

The only time it gets to be obnoxious is when I know I should shut up... and I don't.

Generally, there are two scenarios here.

The first is when I am talking to someone who I want to think I'm funny.

To prove this to them, I will talk way too much and say many uninteresting and/or awkward things. The wittier I try to be, the louder the crickets are.

The second is when I simply will not shut up.

This is when I'm talking, and despite the best efforts by my brain, I can't stop. I will talk for five minutes straight about sandwich bags, the Empire carpet jingle (800-588-2300, Empire!), calypso music and Pez, because, in my mind, it makes perfect sense.

It's incredible when you can watch it happen but it's not actually happening to you.

My redhead, Lisa, used to witness this a lot.

She was pretty good at petting my hair, cocking her head to the side and saying, "Mmkay, time to go," and she would lead me away.

Sometimes, if I went quietly, I'd get a cookie.