I'm not having coffee today. Or tomorrow. Or the next day, for that matter.
I'm not having coffee for the next two weeks. May God have mercy on the poor souls of those who cross my path in the upcoming fortnight.
(See, I can still use words like "fortnight" because my brain is happy thanks to all the chemicals I give it every morning.)
It just so happens that I'm also giving up alcohol, sugar and all the illegal drugs I never did but now kind of want to do just because someone is telling me I can't.
By no means am I doing this of my own accord. I am in a class that focuses on addictions and part of the curriculum is that we look at some of our own addictions. Apparently my addiction to dental hygiene didn't count.
For some people, it's that frosty beer at the end of a long day. For others, it's the doughnut every morning (I wish), the M&Ms at midday and the brownie before bed. For Jessie Spano, it was those damn caffeine pills.
For me, it's coffee.
I have my coffee every morning. I'm a simple woman with simple, yet particular taste. I want my Newman's dark roast, black as night and strong like bull. Occasionally, if I'm feeling fancy, I like my coffee to taste "Christmasy." Point being, I have 24 ounces every morning. This allows me to put my pants on correctly after only 2 tries, remember how my thumbs work and make almost complete sentences with my work colleagues before 9am.
After the two week period without caffeine, alcohol, sugar and Mexican Speedballs, I am to choose one of these from which I will continue to abstain for the remainder of the semester.
Naturally, it will not be caffeine. It will not be alcohol as I really only have the occasional glass of red with dinner. It will also not be the Mexican Speedballs because they are what's behind my bubbly and perky demeanor.
My friends, I'm giving up sugar for the whole semester (and yes there's sugar in wine but it doesn't count I'm not sure why shut up who's side are you on anyway you fascist excuse for a hamster wheel).
I think this will be for the best as many of my clothes no longer fit and my ass is taking on a life of its own with its non-shape of a shape.
In the meantime, I'll be going "cold turkey" for the next two weeks.
Sidenote: "Cold turkey" should really be called "dehydrated jellyfish rolled in breadcrumbs and stuffed down the garbage disposal."
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
11 comments:
If you survive this experiment, perhaps I will try it as well because my ass is clearly related to yours. If you don't survive, I'm only gonna be happy though. Not that I'm rooting you in failure or anything....
i'll choke back an extra cup for you. don't want the coffee industries shutting down while you're away for the fortnight.
(bonus points for the 'fortnight' mention. the bf and i just celebrated our 65th fortnight together... for some reason that's less scary that 2.5 years. unrelated, yes. but i thought you'd appreciate that tidbit).
I have cereal every morning does that mean I am addicted? I don't think one cup of coffee counts as an addiction.
If you have one cup of coffee and several diet Cokes a day and have to have it or get headaches THAT is an addiction.
Or if every girl you've date in the the last 5 years just happened to be a stripper at some point... that COULD possible be consider an addiction, or just poor judgement.
"Zack I'm so... I'm so.... scared."
Oh man, Jessie Spano. Hot Sunday. Good times.
And I am wildly impressed. I once gave up coffee and soda for Lent. Which also happened to fall over midterms and the opening of a show. People almost died. I think I was one of them.
But you can totally do it!
(I might not be very helpful, but I used to rock a mean Hot Sunday work-out dance.)
I quit caffeine a couple months ago. It only took a couple weeks to get back to the same way I felt most of the day when I was pounding like 3 Dewskis a day. It'd probably be a much easier thing to give up than sugar.
Lord help us all.
I'd drop the class before I ever considered giving up my Coke (drinkable, not snortable) addiction. In fact, it's the one thing I've told the Little Bastard (my trainer) that is non-negotiable. I'll work out an extra half hour a day if I have to, but if he wants me to give up my Coke, he'll have to pry it out of my cold, dead hands.
I told him that six months ago when I first started working with him. He's finally starting to get the idea :)
Good luck!
My coffee is my diet coke. I don't think I could give it up.
You can do it! We've cut out so much sugar (and nearly all the fake stuff), but if you really want to be a purist, you have to cut out HFCS, maltodextrin and all the other *chemical* sugars.
Good luck and Godspeed.
I am so glad you are doing this and not me.
People would die.
Nothing comes between me and a glass of wine after work. Nothing.
But if your thumbs don't work how will you communicate? You won't be able to text...you'll have to...CALL people.
I really think you should keep the dry period to two weeks.
JESSIE SPANO!!! HAHAHAHAHHAAA!!!
Uh, don't mind me...I've decided to abstain from work today in order to catch up on your hilarity. I firmly believe this will be the best decision I will make today.
Post a Comment