I've been a baby-sitter, a fast food worker, an intern, a teacher, a musical director, a clerk, a nanny, a client services representative and a grad assistant.
However, there is one position I've held more than any of these, and that is a receptionist. And I'm AWESOME at it.
Here's what I learned being a receptionist:
- Almost everyone you meet thinks they can do your job better than you.
- A genuine smile and a pleasant attitude can save your ass.
- Not everyone gets obscure Ghostbuster humor.
- Other employees will ignore you or treat you like crap until they need a favor.
- A self-important jackass from another department will assume you have nothing to do, wait until you leave for lunch and then leave a pile of tasks on your desk with a Post-it that says, "Need by 2pm today." He/she will do this because he/she is an unbelievable tool
- You are the last to be notified if there is cake in the break room
Tips for getting along in your next receptionist interaction:
- Be polite, damn it!
- Bring cake, damn it!
Because I have worked this job and know how to do it, I also know when somebody else SUCKS AT IT.
I have been dealing with my Financial Aid dept. quite a bit the last few weeks. The first time I went to the office, I encountered the F.A. receptionist. She had the people skills of a used dryer sheet.
So, when I had to go back yesterday, I decided that the last time I saw the belligerent harpy, she was simply having a bad day and I needed to be more understanding given that it could not be a magical place to work.
Upon entering the office, I saw TWO receptionists! I headed toward the one with whom I was less familiar.
Sara: Hello, may I ask you a question?
Nice receptionist: (smiling) Sure.
Sara: (explain long-winded situation) Do you know what I should do?
NR: You know, that's been happening to other students, too. I-
Shrew receptionist: (overhears my story and interrupts) She didn't complete her promissory note.
Sara: Oh, actually I already did that.
SR: (blank stare followed by a cricket) You did what?
Sara: I filled out the promissory note.
SR: (heavy sigh and rolled eyes) Then what holds do you have on your account?
Sara: I don't have any.
SR: (blank stare and that damn cricket again)
Sara: I had a hold but I fixed it a few days ago.
SR: I need your ID.
Sara: My student ID?
SR: I don't care. Just one with a picture.
Sara: (I hand it over, thinking evil thoughts involving rubber cement and a monkey wrench)
SR: (looks my info up on the 'puter) Okay, the hold hasn't been lifted.
Sara: Okay, will I be notified when it is?
SR: No, you just have to keep checking.
Sara: (to SR) Thanks. (to NR) Thank you so much!
SR: (grunts and gnaws the head off a kitten)
NR: You're welcome!
First of all, nobody likes it when you interrupt.
Second, don't talk about me like I'm not there.
Also, while I don't doubt that many students walking into this office are incompetent morons, don't speak to me like I am one.
And finally, I want you to return to your home this evening and shove a whole mess of leafy greens, broccoli and raisin bran down your throat and wash it down with a tall glass of prune juice. I'll bet you're wildly constipated and a good poop would do you a world of good.
27 comments:
Give me her number. I want her name and her number.
Nobody talks to the mother of my Elephantia like that. Nobody.
Shelby, drink your juice.
Haha! You said "harpy."
I love that word.
Anyway, yeah, that crap has happened to me, and I LOVE being a bitch to em. And overly nice to the NR. Yep.
Very well played, lady, very well played indeed.
Prunes. The answer to that woman's problem is prunes. Next visit, drop off a can on sunsweet ones and tell her to eat up so that she can expel the bug that has crawled up her ass.
I think you can tell a lot about a person based on how they treat the receptionist in the office. Your story reminds me of my first job, and the holier-than-thou pain in the ass was the one who trampled over the receptionist and the data processing women, unless she needed some huge favor because she screwed up and wanted them to save her ass.
While I really enjoyed this post, I resent the fact that you assume constipation is this woman's problem. I -- yes, I am admitting this to the blog world -- am in an almost constant state of constipation. That's just my life, you know? But I'm not rude because of it.
Although, if it's really bad, I can be a bit crabby. :)
See now I would have just continued talking to the nice receptionist and pretended the shrew wasn't there, "Oh I'm sorry were speaking AT me."
Dogs and cats, living together! Mass hysteria!!!
Wow - your response to her was much nicer than mine would've been.
I love this. It is really funny especially since I know exactly who you are talking about. :]
Just remember that you are younger and prettier than the shrew receptionist, and she's probably jealous that you're on your way somehwere... and she's unfortunately stuck in the financial aid office.
Bring cake. Got it.
You're too nice!
Some people just need to assert their extreme importance over you, even when you're not even talking to them!
I am sure a good poop would probably erode her toilet.
ugh, i dont know what is worse, talking to a bad customer service rep, a computerized customer service rep, or a bad receptionist in person!
WE GOT ONE!!!
You're telling me other people wouldn't get it if I yelled that?
LMAO!!!
A good poop might help her.
A good poop or....
A nice tan fellow in his mid twenties with shimmering pecks and answers to the name Pablo.
.....either one would probably do her some good.
HAHAHAHA I'm a receptionist too! My job is incredibly difficult. I open the salon, turn on the lights, make breakfast and coffee for myself, then read the latest gossip magazine.
I need an assistant. :p
It seems to me that most financial aid people have no idea what they are doing. It is a sad, sad thing.
Really? Just keep checking? Sounds like someone just doesn't want to do their job.
I had HAD it with our town librarian beyotch. One day, when she was being uberrude to my baby e, as 3 others were behind me in line,I said, "wow. You must really hate your job to take it out on little kids."
SHe blushed and stammered and has been nice as all get out ever since.
I say, call her on it.
Constipation causes many o' problems, doesn't it?! It hasn't occurred me that that's what's wrong with half the world's population. Thanks for the insight!
(I've missed your humor. Glad I'm back. :)
Ugh! Unfortch, these guys are not just in the financial aid office, they are in every government office across America. And I HATE dealing with them. I've been in customer service since I was 16. That's sort of a long time. So, when someone who is in a customer service role doesn't provide good customer service, it makes me want to shove an Emily Post book up their ass and a Tickle Me Elmo down their throat, simultaneously. You may think you're getting paid peanuts for a job that is very difficult and you may think you are VERY under-appreciated, and you probably are...but behaving that way to me is not going to make me rush out and write a letter to your boss explaining your value to the company and how you need a raise because you're just that damn good.
Seriously.
And promissary notes are the devil. Just sayin'.
Graphic designers are also the last to know when there is cake in the break room. Story of my life.
Why do people have to be so nasty like that? And what's with her sizing you up before she knows any of the facts at all? Wench.
you really are the best commenter ever!! no wonder surferwife is ready to turn lesbo for you!
i always wanted to punch the financial aid receptionists in the face when i was in college. and those damn holds they put on your account totally ruin you life!!!
Bwhaha!! Being a secretary is much the same.. great post.
Leafy spinach consumed? Check!
I'm an excellent receptionist too. To bad I hate it.
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