I hate Wal-Mart.
I know their prices are often dirt-cheap (and I'm nothing if not parsimonious), but it can't be helped. I can't stand it.
Last Saturday, I was hunting for an anniversary present for my parents. In the name of thrift, I made Wal-Mart my first stop.
Mistake.
First of all, what is it about the Wal-Mart parking lot that kills brain cells? All of a sudden, people stop using turn signals. They go the wrong way down one-way aisles. They might even (and this is my favorite) swerve into the fire lane, park directly next to the No Parking sign, turn on their hazard lights and leave the car running for a half hour. Outstanding.
Once out of your car and inside, it doesn't improve because now they're armed...
...with shopping carts.
When I stepped into Wal-Mart last Saturday, I grabbed a basket and started weaving through people as fast as I could because if I slowed down, I risked having my ankles assaulted by one of the many inattentive, cart-wielding hooligans that frequent the place.
Because I was intent on moving so quickly, everyone else in the joint got together and made the decision to choose an aisle, take up as much room as possible and pick up everything on a shelf one by one, examine it, and then put it back down in the slowest fashion possible.
I finally made it to my aisle of choice- the DVDs. Wouldn't you know it? They did not have what I needed. Swell.
As I avoided oncoming carts and darting children, I said a little prayer of thanks that I would not need to go through the check-out line.
The check-out may or may not be the worst part about Wal-Mart.
Despite the fact that there are about 147 check-out lines, three will be open, but only if they're really busy.
It doesn't matter which lane you choose because even in the Express Lane, very few people seem to abide by the whole 10 items or less thing.
And regardless of which lane you choose, the person behind you will most likely completely disregard your personal space while the person in front of you struggles to locate all 17 of the coupons she thought she put in her purse last Thursday.
Provided you make it this far, you'll have a less than memorable encounter with a surly Wal-Mart employee (can you blame them?), send them a pitying glance as you take your bags and then pray to God the alarm doesn't go off when you walk through the doors.
I do wish it didn't have to be this way, but the second I even think about Wal-Mart, my blood pressure skyrockets, my eye starts twitching and my nose fills with the scent of day-old Subway.
It's just not healthy.
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12 comments:
And there is no Target in Boone? This does not bode well for your future shopping excursions.
all we had near my college town was walley world, so i've spent a fair share of my time in walmart (and when i say near, i mean 20 min away). that being said, i agree completely on your dissertation.
also- great quote.
Did I write this???? Seriously. I hate walmart with the fire of 100- white hot suns. WHY do they have to be so damn cheap?????
Wal-Mart is of the devil. Oh, let me count the ways - the disgruntled employees (which, like you said, can you blame them), the cranky customers, the cheaply made goods, the retched purchasing policies and the ginormousness of it all. BARF!
P.S. I LOVE that you use all my favorite old lady words - shenanigans, swell, hooligans, etc. We are cool.
DUDE some old lady at Marsh (in the express lane, no less) held up the line with "I put my Fresh Idea card in my computer" and she fished out her iPhone/palm-pilot or whatever that apparently had a bar code displayed on the screen. Because that's how technology works for old people.
Oh and you have not been to Wal Mart until you've been to an Indianapolis Wal Mart. Let me know next time you're down here and we'll get together a large, safe group and go.
Just Awesome, no target! I would die Stopping by from SITS!
Amen! I haaaate wal-mart! I always say that if you don't think God has a sense of humor just go to wal-mart. the farther in you get, the funnier he gets! There's a special breed of people that go there...yikes.
Hey Sara sans "H" I have a ahout out and a blog award for you on my blog! Come on by and pick it up if you so desire.
One Nerve Left
Look how popular your blog is!!!
Umm, here is the great thing about my job. West-side Walmart after I get off work is virtually empty. Sometimes they even have their staff pep rallies while I'm in the store...and by pep rallies, I mean they clap and do cheers about Walmart. It's awesome.
But otherwise, yes, Walmart is the worst.
I hear you! I have a love/hate relationship with them. i can get everything I need in one stop, and that is the love part, but the experience is the major hate part! Dang cheap prices and convenience! Sto!pping by from SITSa
It fills my heart with joy to know you all hate it, too. However, the staff pep rallies sound really intriguing... that might be worth a midnight run, bless it all.
WalMarts in GA are also cluttered and not clean. They employees must have a mandatory 24 hour "leave this spilled detergent on the shelf until it turns sticky" period.
And can any of their shopping carts go in a straight line? ANY of them? Who is putting twine and strings around just one of the wheels? JEEZ.
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