Don't sweat the small stuff? Girl, bitte.

If you recorded my actions and speech for 24 hours on any given day, you would learn very quickly that I am all about the details.

Does this mean I'm detail-oriented? Heck no. Does this mean I have excellent attention to detail? Not in the way you might think. Does this mean I need to attend a national conference regarding the newly vital subject of synergy? I certainly hope so.

This simply means that I am easily affected (both positively and negatively) by little things... but honestly, who isn't? Everybody has a handful of idiosyncrasies they received at birth (although there are those who definitely went back for seconds when God was dishing out the crazy). Luckily, most people have different combinations of personal pleasures and pet peeves.

For example, my friend Sonya Rae does not like to wait... for anything. She's a woman of action and I think it ever so slightly chips away at her soul when someone says to her, "Just a minute" (I know this from personal experience, by the way). She usually responds with, "Nope, right now."

In the way of personal pleasures, my college roommate, Cara, absolutely loves things related to organization and ambition. If you want to get her all giddy and worked up, just show her your briefcase or your Filofax (and no, those are not euphemisms). I once got her school supplies for her birthday, if that paints a better picture.

My friend Lises Pieces is annoyed by sneezing. This applies to both the sneezes of others as well as her own. She can't really explain it, either. I actively enjoy sneezing, so I can't really wrap my mind around this, but I've got my own jar just overflowing with crap that makes no sense, so I don't judge.

My brother has a lot of pet peeves, most of which I would guess are related to music and stupid people, or some combination of the two. I recently learned, however, that there was a giant squid sighting about 4 years ago, and this got Sam all sorts of excited (a feat not easily accomplished). Never would've guessed.

Now, for those of you who know me, you are aware that I get easily excited as well as completely bent out of shape by really small, stupid things.

About two years ago, a friend and I went to Panera for lunch. When I go to Panera, I would say 90% of the time, I get the Frontega Chicken sandwich. It's completely delicious and about 2/3 of my daily caloric intake. It's about the only reason I go to Panera (although they do have excellent coffee) and I see nothing wrong with that. This is the conversation that took place:

Me: I'd like the Frontega, please.
Jackass Panera Employee: We're out.
Me: I'm sorry?
JPE: We're out.
Me: For how long?
JPE: Until we get more.
Me: I'm sorry, I guess I'm missing something. Can you not just... make more?
JPE: No, we're out.

I'm aware, on some level, that this is not the end of the world, but at the time (and even in retrospect), I was pretty irritated and allowed this small injustice to consume me for the next half hour or so. I just sat there, eating my sub-par sandwich and making snarky comments under my breath. Is that a valuable use of my time and energy? Probably not, but the thing is... I don't care.

On the flip side, I had a minor experience this morning that made me downright perky. I came to work with coffee and a breakfast sandwich, both of which were highly enjoyable. When I finished my coffee, I realized I had an urgent matter to take care of involving my morning regularity.

While I'm aware that everybody poops (that's right, I read the book), I think most people prefer to do it in the privacy of their own home, me included. So, at work, timing becomes very important. If you go too soon (between 8-9am), you run into the custodial staff. If you wait too long (9:30-11am), you run into people who are having the same urges. So you see, there's a very small window for privacy, and even then, it's not guaranteed.

This morning, however, I had the whole 7-stall bathroom to myself. OUTSTANDING.

I am still so happy about this that I'll probably mention it in at least 3 of the e-mails I'll be sending later this afternoon.

Other small things that will make my day:

Flossing
Seeing a squirrel fall out of a tree (trust me, it's funny)
Breakfast for dinner
When the temperature is above freezing
Being the first person to open and use the new peanut butter

Other small things that will ruin my day:

Manilla folder cut (ten times worse than your standard paper cut)
Hearing "Harper Valley PTA" on the radio
Any computer error or malfunction
Seeing any Olive Garden commercial, but especially the one with the giggly college girl
Finding mayo on my sandwich after I SPECIFICALLY ASKED FOR NO MAYO

So, whether you are enraged by double-sided tape or completely delighted with people who overuse the word "duties", I think it is not only logical to sweat the small stuff, it should be required.